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[TKOW Board]

We open to a door with the plate "Green Room" across it. Appropriate name for the room, since it is the room where the "Soulfly Smoke-A-Thon will take place. The camera enters the room to find the room pimped out for the evening. Against the wall in the center is a 72 inch flatscreen TV, complete with a Playstation 2 and several controlers. The room is lined with several couches and various comforters. A refrigerator is even located at the back of the room and, judging by several boxes stacked beside it, each one plainly stating that they're beercases, the fridge is full of beer.

At that instance the camera turns back to the door as Soulfly and D-Matic each enter the room. D-Matic's adorning his usual attire, a Warren Sapp Oakland Raiders jersey, and it matches the black sweat band on his head underneath his fro, complete with a silver pic in it, and a black pair of Jordans. He also has a pair of silver sweatpants on. Fly has a black Cypress Hill T-shirt on, and a pair of jeans, and a blunt rests behind his ear.

Fly: Hey, those bitchass decorators actually pulled through for a change, this shit is fucken nice.

D-Matic has already started the smoke-a-thon, as he is taking a hit from the platinum bong.

Fly: Let's See if these badboys work...

Fly hits the switch on the wall, and the lights turn off....but black lights come on.

Fly: Fuck yea, now this is how you start a party. Let's set this shit up before the others get here.

*Scene cuts to the arena where Duke McFilthy stands in the ring.*

The Duke: I guess I'm supposed to come out here and do a few things, first, I'm supposed to come out and call out Soulfly, because he laid me out with a Bong Hit from Hell. Then Soulfly's music hits and we get up in each other's faces, then I announce that I'm using my match at the next Pay Per View, to get my revenge, then we throw down now and the crowd goes wild, right?

(the Crowd pops)

The Duke: Well, none of that is going to happen.

(the Crowd Boos)

The Duke: I fully understand why Soulfly did what he did, He knows what I know, what you all know and what Phoenix knows. He knows that I single handedly delivered his title into the hands of Phoenix.

Tito: Single handedly?

The Duke: Doubt me? I have the video proof, look at the tron...

On the Tron, a video plays...



Johnny: It looks like Duke McFilthy is the First Blood Invitational winner!

Tito: That means only one thing. The Bronx Beatdown Hidden Treasure match is next!

Without warning Soulfly knocks Phoenix to the ground with one mighty right hook and then dashes into the corner of the ring and climbs the turnbuckle to and takes a stickball bat down from the poll.

Tito: Advantage Soulfly!

Soulfly hops down from the turnbuckle and stalks Phoenix with the bat and as Phoenix gets to his feet, Soulfly slams the bat down hard across the top of Phoenix's shoulders!

Johnny: Ouch!

Phoenix rolls around the ring in agony, but is hit again, square across the back with another stickball bat shot courtesy of Soulfly! Phoenix clasps his back and gets to his feet but is struck back down by another shot slammed onto his forehead by the stickball bat!

Tito: Phoenix is taking one hell of a beating at the hands of that stickball bat!

Phoenix again uses the stick to smash up the adjacent crate.......BOOM!! The crowd let off a "Holy Shit" chant as Phoenix soars backwards over the ring barrier and into the crowd, slamming down hard onto the concrete! The explosion also smashed opens several of the surrounding crates!

Johnny: HE'S DEAD!! Holy Shit Phoenix is DEAD! That firebomb just blew his fucking head off!

Soulfly just sits in the ring, his face expressionless as the crowd continues to chant "Holy Shit!" Soulfly looks around, wiping the sweat from his forehead, while Phoenix lies in the crowd, smoke rising from his suit.

Even as Phoenix starts to stir, out from the back runs Ghalleon and Salazar.

Tito: Hey! These two men are scheduled to compete in the Prince of Hell match, what are they doing out here now?

Duke McFilthy then makes his way out to the ring.

Tito: Duke too??

The three then turn and help Soulfly up into the ring. As Soulfly shakes hands with Ghalleon, he?s turned and locked into a 51/50 from Duke!!

Tito: Whats going on here?

Phoenix gets his legs back over the top rope, wobbles as he shifts the weight, and jumps off the second rope, putting Soulfly through the final crate with a Phoenix Driver!

As the camera moves into position, referee Colin Oscepe, on that side of the crowd, hops the guardrail as Phoenix stands up. The camera shows the belt still around his waist, and Colin calls the match!!

Tito: He pulled it out! We have a new champion!!

Johnny: We?ll never hear the end of this.

Soulfly hangs over the second rope, still weak, but in disbelief.

Yuri Testkov: YOUR WINNER, AND NEEWWWWWWWWWWWW TKOW CHAMPION, PHOEEEEEENIXXXXXX~!!


Back to the Ring...


The Duke: And there you have it, We can all see that Phoenix is TKOW champion, because The Duke willed it so.

Tito: That was one hell of an editing job, he managed to edit out all the offense Phoenix delivered.

Johnny: No, that's exactly how I remember the match.

The Duke: So, lets get to the point, I'm out here because Phoenix owes me a Thank You. I don't expect him to give me what he owes me, but he knows I gave him that title, and without me, Soulfly would still be wearing that belt. So now you all expect me to call out Phoenix, and demand that I be added to the Main Event, he's having with Kid Styles, for the TKOW Title. That ain't happening either. In Fact, I can give you my word, that no member of The Order is going to interfere in that match. We want to see a clean winner as much as Section 8 Does.

Tito: So why is he out here then?

The Duke: I am here now to announce that at the next TKOW Pay Per View, I will be facing a Member of Section 8, and I will announce which member at the Pay Per View. The Match will be like nothing that has ever been seen in the history of TKOW, and it will leave no doubt that The Order is the most dominate group in TKOW history.

Johnny: He's not going for the title?

Tito: Maybe he feels he isn't ready yet.

Johnny: I think he proved at Holiday Hell, that he's ready.

Tito: Well, he says he won't be in that Main Event match, so I wonder what other member of Section 8 he'll be going after, and what kind of match it's going to be.

The Duke: This night is about fun, and The Order is all about the Fun. We might not be able to beat Section 8 in a hot dog eating contest, since they are the masters of the Deep throat, and Kid Styles has us beat in the Pop the Pimple contest, but we'll think of something fun for you all. Stay Tuned...

(cut to commercial)

[TKOW Board]

We find Fly pulling a table over in front of one of the couches, while D-matic has pulled up a chair and started up the PS2 and, to no surprise, he's playing Madden 06. Fly sits a a bowl down on the table. It's the size of a punchbowl, but is filled with blunts. There's also a Bob Marley statue that stands knee high between two of the couches now. The top of the guitar has a small tray on it, which is filled with joints. FLy has also added another table to the room in front of the couch nearest D-matic, and the bowl on it is filled to the brim with some of the green stuff itself. Fly has also put up a stereo over in the corner of the room, as when you're smoking you don't want to hear Madden nonstop. You want good music, which is why Fly has one of his special "weed" themed Cd's playing...

Track listing:

1. The Luniz - I got 5 On It
2. Sublime - Smoke Two Joints
3. 311 - Who's Got The Herb?
4. Cypress Hill - Roll it up, light it up, smoke it up
5. Cypress Hill - I Wanna Get High
6. Cypress Hill - Hits From The Bong
7. Cypress Hill - Dr. Greenthumb
8. Cypress Hill & Damian Marley - Ganja Bus
9. Bob Marley - We Be Jammin
10. Dr. Dre & Snoop Dogg - Nothin But A G Thang
11. Snoop Dogg - Lay Low
12. Lil Wyte - My SMokin song
13. Three 6 Mafia - Bin Laden
14. Project Pat & Lord Infamous - So High
15. Frayser Boy - Closed Mouth
16. Outkast - Southerplayalisticaddilacmusik
17. Ludacris - Saturday
18. Lloyd banks, Snoop Dogg, 50 Cent - i Get High
19. Dr Dre, Snoop Dogg, Nate Dogg - The Next Episode.

Pretty badass selection. Go Download it. Now. back to the show...

A knock is heard on the door.

Fly: And the party begins my friend.

Fly opens up the door and slaps hands with the person on the other side.

Fly: What up Homie! I knew you'd make it, Snoop!

In walks Snoop D O Double G himself, chillin as always with a feathery purple coat on, the dark shades, and two fine dime brizzells on each arm.

Snoop Dogg: What's crackalackin lil cuz, o course the big Snoop dizzile's gonna make it to da smokedizzile.

Snoop and his ladies walk in, and a couple members of Snoops DPG crew walk in behind him. Fly knows them first hand and welcomes them to the event with hand slaps.

Fly: Nate Dogg my nigga! Kurrupt my main man always keepin it real, Warren G, whats up big dog. Make yourselves at home.

They all come in and take up spots on the couch, as more people arrive for the big event.

Fly: Luda! I knew you couldn't pass up somken some Buda.

In walks platnium selling artist, Ludacris, exchanging dap with Fly.

Ludacris: Happy to be hear homie, where the ho's at?

Fly: I got some of the best ones coming over. You know I won't let you down there.

Ludacris: I don't doubt your skills. The ones you brought to the show in the A-Town where some straight freaks.

Fly: Hell yea they were. Take a seat and take a blunt off the table.

Luda: Don't mind if i do.

At that moment, one-half of one of the biggest selling rap groups ever walks into the room.

Fly: Big Boi my nigga, I got some purple haze for you to test out man.

Big Boi: Where that shit at homes?

Fly: Over there resting on Bob Marley's head.

Big Boi: Ight..

As he walks over, he notices that D-matic's on the game.

Big Boi: Oh shit, let me get ups on the sticks, D boy.

Fly: He's running a tournament over there. Pick up the sticks and get your game on.

And, seeing as Fly is there, it's no surprise when in walks members of the HCP. Project Pat, Frayser Boy, Lil Wyte, and Three 6 Mafia's Juicy J, DJ Paul & Crunchy Black.

Fly: My main smoking boys, have a seat and take a blunt.

Fly gives them each some dap as they pass in, before another rapper emerges

Fly: Young Buck my man, glad you could make it, just don't stab D in the back.


[B}Young Buck:[/b] Naw cuz, D's cool, I'm just here to blaze dank.

Fly: I got plenty of that, smoke up my man.

Buck takes a seat, and in walks several of Fly's Ho's.

Fly: I told ya I had some dimes coming Luda.

Ludacris: That's what's up, tell 'em to move this way.

In walks two world famous movie stars, along with two more rappers, hailing from the mighty Cypress Hill, they need no introduction.

Fly: B-REAL!!! SEN DOG!!!! CHEECH & CHONG!!!! Holy Shit! Come in and have a smoke.

Another TV star walks in. This one doesn't seem to please Fly as much as C&C.

Fly: Ashton, come on in playa, we don't have any elderly women in here for ya, but I guess you can manage.

Ashton comes in, baseball cap on head, and some Old Navy shit. He takes a seat over beside Snoop and tries to act like he's cool with Snoop, who seems to be ignoring him. Fly gets ready to shut the door when he sees the final member of the smoke-a-thon arrive.

Fly: Well, well, Lady Hawke, what a pleasant surprise, come on in.

Lady Hawke comes in without her veil but in plain white face paint instead, and following her is Phoenix.

Fly: Wow, you smoking too champ!?

Phoenix: No, I'm not here for the smoking, but I heard that D's having a Tournament over there and I came in to beat everyone's ass at some video games!

Fly: Yea, come on in. Itt shouldn't be too long before you get on it. Last I looked D was about to skunk my man over there.

Big Boi: I'm just getting warmed up, Ya'll bout ta see a comeback in the works.

As if he was also praying to the football gods, Michael Vick runs in a touchdown for Big Boi's Falcons.

Big Boi: Yea, what skunk nigga!

Fly: Speaking of skunk....it's time to start smoking.

Fly takes the blunt from behind his ear and lights it up. He notices Ashton eyeing a glass bowl on the table he's sitting behind.

Fly: Punk boy...

When Ashton looks up, Fly tosses him his zippo.

Fly: It's packed. Light it up.

Ashton fumbles with the lighter and takes a hit. As he breathes in, he immediatelly starts coughing and the bowl falls from his hand. Fly watches in horror as the piece falls. D-Matic has the weed awareness of a wolf though and, without taking his eyes from the screen, his right hand shoots down, catches the bowl, and after it is secured in his hand, he jerks his hand back forward, drops the bowl in the saftey of his lap, and grabs the controller in time for Kerry Collins to just miss a defender to avoid the sack, and hit Randy Moss down the field for a 25 yard gain.

Fly: Great fucken save, D!

With the playbook screen up, D takes the bowl and takes a quick hit.

Fly: Damn Ashton, D just saved your lightweight ass. If that bowl would have broke, I'd have broke your ass.

D takes the bowl and offers it to Lady Hawke. She holds up her hand and shakes her head "no." Everyone in the room gives her a funny look. She flashes a smile and points to D's bong.

Fly: Oh hell, that's what I'm talking about girl!

Fly steps over and picks up the bong and hands it to LH. She takes it and lights it up like a pro, filling the whole thing with smoke before taking in the hit. Everyone looks for the cough. She holds it in, looks over at Ashton, winks, and blows the cloud of smoke out. An uproar comes out of the room from this, Fly being the ringleader.

Fly: Oh shit! She don't even smoke and she just showed your ass up Ashton! Oh shit!

There are high fives thrown Lady Hawke's way as Ashton just hangs his head.

Fly: Now thats how we start a party!

He takes a hit off the blunt as the scene fades away and cuts to a commercial.

*Back from commercial and in the arena...*

The crowd starts to stir slightly, when all of a sudden Pandimodium starts to play. The crowd starts to boo loudly as Crim, Saphron and Pender make their way out to the ring. Each of the three has his own mic as they enter the ring to an array of boos from the crowd.

Crim: I would call you all ladies and gentlemen, but that would be giving you people credit for nothing.

The crowd boos louder as Pender starts to laugh behind them.

Crim: Actually, we're here on our own. Master Ghalleon isn't here tonight, so we thought that we would treat you people to a sing along tonight.

Saphron raises the mic up as music starts to play in the background.

Saphron: ...Here we stand
Worlds apart
hearts broken in two, two, two....

Crim: ...Sleepless nights
Losing ground
I'm reaching for you, you, you.....

Saphron: ...Feelin' that it's gone
Can change your mind
If we can't go on
To survive the tide love divides....

Pender: ...Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you
How we touched
And went our separate ways
If he ever hurts you
True love won't desert you
You know I still love you
Though we touched
And went our separate ways...

Crim: ...Troubled times
Caught between confusions and pain, pain, pain...

The crowd starts to look on in confusion of what was going on....

Saphron: ...Distant eyes
Promises we made were in vain, vain, vain...

Crim: ...If you must go, I wish you love
You'll never walk alone
Take care my love
Miss you love...

Pender: ...Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you
How we touched
And went our separate ways
If he ever hurts you
True love won't desert you
You know I still love you
Though we touched
And went our separate ways...

The three smile as the music continues to play. Pender then gets ready to sing once again.

Pender: ...Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you...

...If he ever hurts you
True love won't desert you
You know I still love you...

I still love you girl
I really love you girl
And if he ever hurts you
True love won't desert you
No... No

The music dies off and Crim then starts to speak once again. The crowd is in shock at this happening.

Crim: You see people, we don't always kick everyone's butt and take names. We're actually pretty good singers as well, so we thoought to share this with you. Enjoy it, it's not going to happen again.

With that, the three leave the ring with the crowd in confusion of what just went on.

The KhaosTron lights up and we see T.H. Power and Phoenix laughing at a monitor.

T.H. Power: Hey there live crowd! A lot of you may be wondering "hey, where's Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

Phoenix: It's going to be shown right after the conclusion of Totally Tubular.

T.H. Power: And it's funny too!

Phoenix: Not as funny as the Order singing.

T.H. Power: Or Duke.

Phoenix: Duke doing what?

T.H. Power: Nothing. Just "Duke".

Phoenix: Good point.

T.H. Power: Back to the show!

At the bottom of the ramp there is a Court Room set, Yuri is dressed as a bailiff, and he?s holding the mic.

Yuri Testkov: The Plaintiff is Jennifer Lewis, a Wrestling fan from Victoria, British Columbia Canada, She claims that the father of her 8 year old son denies he?s the father, and won?t pay child support.

Jennifer walks down the ramp to the court room.

Yuri: The Defendant is Jake Johnson, a Wrestling fan from Vancouver, He says that there is no way the child could be his, and that Jennifer is a lying little slutbag, whose legs are open longer than the local seven/eleven.

Johnny makes his way to the court room.

Yuri: The people are real, the cases are real, The Judge might just kick your ass, It?s The Duke?s Court! All Rise!

The majority of the Crowd stands up as The Duke sits in the Judge?s chair, and he?s wearing a Black Robe, and a British Style, powdered wig.

Duke: You may be seated.

The Crowd sits down.

Duke: This is the case of Lewis V. Johnson, and it?s a paternity claim, is that correct?

Jennifer: Yes, your honor.

Duke: Tell me your story.

Jennifer: Well, we were at an indy show in Seattle Washington, and I met Mr. Johnson in line, before the show. About five minutes later we we?re making out, and by the time the main event rolled around, we were rolling around the aisle doing the nasty.

Duke: Is that true, Jake?

Jake: Yeah, but I know that kid ain?t mine.

Duke: How do you know?

Jake: Because I wasn?t the only guy she was with at the show.

Duke: Is that true?

Jennifer: Yeah, but the other guys used condoms, and Mr. Johnson said he couldn?t wear a condom because it wouldn?t fit.

The Crowd pops.

Jake: That?s what I?m talkin? about!

Duke: Other guys? How many guys were there?

Jennifer: I don?t remember, maybe three or four?

Jake: That?s a lie, it was more like ten.

Duke: Ten?!?!? Is that including you?

Jake: Eleven.

Crowd: Slut! Slut! Slut!

Duke: Order in the court!

The Crowd quiets down.

Duke: Lets get back to the condom, is it true that you told her it wouldn?t fit?

Jake: Yeah, that?s true.

Duke: Ma?am, you saw the evidence, in your opinion, would a condom fit on him?

Jennifer: No, It most likely would?ve fallen off, the man is hung like a rat.

Crowd: You got a rat dick *Clap Clap* *Clap Clap Clap*

Jake: That?s not true! I?m hung like a horse!

Jennifer: A horsefly maybe.

Duke: Ok, Mr. Johnson, I?m going to make TKOW history, yet again, and give you the chance to show the world, that you are packing heat, if you want to clear your name, you have to drop those pants and show all the ladies what you got.

Ladies in the Crowd: Drop your pants, Drop your pants!

Jake: Nah, that?s cool, Judge, I?d rather not do that.

Duke: This court finds that not only are you a pussy, but you have a small dick.

Jake: What does that have to do with this case?

Duke: Shit, you?re right! We had a DNA test on the child in question, and you, Mr. Johnson. Yuri, hand me the results.

Yuri hands a folder to Duke, and the Duke reads it to himself.

Duke: Holy Shit! It looks like Mr. Johnson isn?t the father?I am.

Jennifer: You?re rich, right?

Duke: Yes, I am. But I was totally drunk that year, so I find that I owe you nothing. Case dismissed!

Jennifer: Can you do that?

Duke: It?s Called ?The Duke?s Court?, so yeah, I can. Now get to steppin? slut.

Jennifer and Jake leave.

Duke: Next case.

Yuri: We don?t have another case.

Duke: Shit! What to do, what to do?

Yuri: I have something else for you to judge.

Duke: What is it?

Yuri: A bikini contest~!

Duke: Oh Yeah!

Yuri: Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the women of East Bumblefuck, Iowa~!

About 15 local women walk down the ramp in their bikinis towards the courtroom. Most of them are either Ugly, Fat or Both.

Duke: This is a joke right?

Yuri: This was the best we could do.

Duke: East Bumblefuck must be Ground Zero for the Ugly Bomb. Ok, lets get this over with, I want you to step forward one at a time, and show me what you got.

Yuri: Duke, This is Cindy!

Cindy walks forward and does a little dance for the Duke.

Duke: Cindy, do you have anything to say for yourself?

Cindy: I?m a Huge Fan of yours, Duke.

Duke: Well, you are Huge.

Cindy: More to love?

Duke: I?m going to order that you stay One Thousand feet from any bikini.

Cindy: Don?t be mean.

Duke: Don?t be fat.

Cindy runs up the ramp crying.

Duke: Lets speed this up, form a straight line and I?ll judge you as a group.

They make a line in front of The Duke.

Duke: (pointing to each girl as he speaks.) You?re Fat, You?re ugly, You?re hairy, You look like my Uncle Jim, You have sideburns, You need to wax, Your ass is trying to swallow your bikini, You have a butter face?

Yuri: What?s a Butter face?

Duke: Everything looks hot but her face.

Yuri: Oh.

Duke: Ok, lets see who?s left?Wait a minute, are you a guy?

Tranny: Maybe?

Duke: You know what?s sad, this dude looks better than the rest of you.

Yuri: Do you know Tito?

Tranny: Yeah, but at the club we call him Big Poppi.

Duke: I?m ready to make my ruling?The men of this town are so hard up for good looking women they have to either leave or become women themselves, It is my judgement that TKOW never return to this city, unless they ship in some women from outside the fallout zone.

Yuri: All Rise!

The Crowd Stands up, as The Duke walks past the women, and up the ramp.

(Cut to commercial)

[TKOW Board]

Yuri: Now ladies and gentlemen. Let me direct you to the large table in the middle of the ring here. We're about to start our next competiton for tonight, a hot dog eating contest. First, let me introduce to you, the competitors of this contest!

With that, Dark Schnitzel, Phoenix, Kid Styles and Saphron made their way out to the ring. Then after them, Carpenter, in a straight jacket, is led to the ring behind the group. Saphron looks on in wonder as he got to his seat. The group sits down as Carpenter is taken to the table, and sat down across from Saphron. Saphron just shakes his head "no," asking himself 'why me?' Yuri then walks to the other side of the ring and the refs get ready with the plates.

Yuri: On the tables are plates of hot dogs with glasses of water to help them go down. The goal is to eat the most within our time limit of three minutes. Now gentlmen, please get ready. When you're ready for more, the ref will place another plate down for you. There's ten on a plate and we have medics here in case of the worst.

The competitors get ready at their spots and wait for Yuri to give the signal. Seconds tick by until Yuri shouts "GO!" The eating begins. The seconds tick by as the dogs and buns are shoveled into some mouths while others make a couple quick bites of them.

Across the table from Saphron, Carpenter tries to eat, but can't because he's in the straight jacket. Saphron looks on at him while he starts to pick one up, his mouth full from eating. He looks on at Carpenter headbutting the plate repeatedly. He gets a few glances, but nothing much from others besides Saphron. He sets the dog down and scoots back his chair. He looks like he's about to throw up as Carpenter raises his head up with smashed hot dogs acrossed his face. Saphron gets up, and runs from the table, a ref puts a cloth down over his plate, thus showing that Saphron is done. He leaves the ring right about at the 2:15 mark.

While this goes on and the seconds tick down, the competitors make way through their plates. Everyone is now onto their second plate, except Carpenter and Saphron. The clock gets down to about 1:40 when some of the competitors, mainly Schnitzel and Styles starts to use two dogs at once. Phoenix continues using one at a time for a while and Carpenter keeps headbutting the plate.

Yuri: Folks we're at less than a minute and we've got people on their third plate! Its getting close and intense as we get closer towards the end!

Phoenix starts using two dogs now as Schnitzel puts two in one hand and a third in the other hand. Styles gets a quick look at this and looks on in a slight shock. The clock gets down to about :20 when Yuri begins to speak again.

Yuri: We're getting into the homestreatch folks! This competiton is getting very close folks! Here comes the ten second mark! 10! 9! 8!....

Schnitzel starts using two in each hands as the clock ticks down. 3.....2....1. The buzzer goes off and the competitors sit back and rest. Execpt for Carpenter, he's still headbutting the plate.

Yuri: Now folks, we'll get a tally of how many plates of dogs were eaten by our competitors!

The refs start counting and mark down how many was eaten by whom. One ref then hands the paper off to Yuri, it reads like this....

Schnitzel- 38
Kid Styles- 34
Phoenix- 33
Saphron- 3 1/2
Carpenter- 0

Yuri: Ladies and gentlemen, Dark Schnitzel is your winner!

Schnitzel smiles at this announcement and then grabs one last hot dog. He leans his head back and sticks the hot dog straight down into his mouth. Kid looks away from this as he shakes his head "no."


*commercial*


Johnny: As this night wasn't weird enough, right now we're going to have a tag match between God's rejects and some piss poor jobbers.

Tito: What's even weirder is that the great actor and Academy Award winner Sean Connery is now going to join us in commentary for this match only.

*The camera switches to Sean Connery sitting right of Johnny, wearing an expensive business suit.*

Sean Connery: My name is Bond, James Bond.

Tito: It's alright Mr. Connery, we know you are nervous. This is your first announcing gig in professional wrestling after all.

Johnny: Yeah dude, you don't have to spout endless corny catchphrases. While that may work on me, but my great talent is another story.

Sean Connery: Actually, Dark Schnitzel has paid me to only say catchphrases from my movies.

Johnny: Did I ever say Schnitzel is a weird fucker?

Tito: Yes, we know, we know?

Yuri Testkov: The following match is scheduled for one fall, and is a tag team match. First, from the bowels of uncreativity, to team up, Doink the Frown and Cactus Sack!

*A horrible rip off of Cactus Jack's music is heard as Sack walks down the ramp, endlessly signaling the gun taunt, yelling "Sang Sang" each time. Doink the Frown is soon to follow, grasping a bunch of white balloons with frowns painted on them.*

Sean Connery: Bolt the door, if you're coming in.

Yuri Testkov: And their opponents. First: From Oxford, England. Weighing in at 230 pounds. Accompanied to the ring by Claire Mathews. He is "The Hardcore Superstar", Bob Lancelot!

* "All My Life" by Foo Fighters is played as Bob hobbles down to the ring with Claire not too far behind. The crowd boos him to death as he flips them off. Bob looks at his opponent in the ring and snickers. He mockingly points for Claire to watch out. Bob then acts as if he's afraid of Doink's Balloons, which he tied on one of the nearest ring posts. He decides to wait for his partner.*

Tito: A quick fact folks: Schnitzel and Bob may have been aligned for the last few months, but this is the very first time they will be teaming up in a match.

Sean Connery: The key to a woman's heart is an unexpected gift at an unexpected time.

Johnny: Well that was certainly fucking unexpected. Jesus?

Yuri Testkov: And his partner. From theaters near you, weighing in at 320 pounds, Dark Schnitzel!

*"Come to Daddy" by Aphex Twin plays as the lights go out.*

"I want your soul,
I will eat your soul."

*The titan tron shows random clips from Schnitzel's career. A clip of his debut is shown, choke slamming Xcutioner out of nowhere for the win.*

"I want your soul,
I will eat your soul."

* Dawson decides he?s had enough of Schnitzel?s taunting and steps out of the ring to confront him. Dawson charges and strikes Schnitzel with an elbow. Schnitzel stumbles backwards, and in response hits Dawson?s head with the blunt side of his sword!*

"I want your soul,
I will eat your soul."

* Schnitzel locks his hand around Vodoa?s neck ? lifting him up for a chokeslam, Schnitzel holds Vodoa up in the air for a few seconds and then slams him down hard! Schnitzel then sprays the blood from his mouth onto Vodoa and covers him.*

"I want your soul,
I will eat your soul."

*The crowd pops, as Schnitzel runs towards Salazar and lifts a knee into the back of Salazar sending him out of the ring. Schnitzel picks up Redman, and stares at the gash in his head.

Tito: Oh this is bad!

Schnitzel grabs Redman?s head and starts to lick the blood off of Redman?s face!*

"Come to daddy.
Come to daddy.
Come to daddy.
Come to daddy.
Come to daddy.
Come to daddy.
Come to daddy.
Come to daddy."

*The music fades away as the lights go back on and Schnitzel is seen standing next to his partner with a microphone. Bob sidesteps in surprise.*

Schnitzel: First, and furthermost, I did not approve of that entrance video, but I will let that slide because tonight the action in the ring is what matters. We are here to fight and scream, but mostly fight--In order to demonstrate our unique abilities to represent you proudly in the Frank A. Marano Tag Team Tournament being held in Hardkore America. Any closing words, Bob?

Bob: You are fucking retarded.

Schnitzel: Good to know.

*Schnitzel drops the mic and both enter the ring. Schnitzel goes to his corner and ref rings the bell.*


Tito: It?s Bob Lancelot and Doink the Frown to start things off in this rather unique match.

Johnny: This shit could put Uwe Boll to shame.

*Lancelot locks up with Doink the clown and shoves him to the ground; Doink rolls around in a fit on the mat and the referee checks on him.*

Sean Connery: You're the man now, dog!

*Lancelot shrugs his shoulders and looks towards Schnitzel who motions Bob to keep on Doink. Bob walks over to Doink who is still rolling around like a fish out of water and reaches to pick him up but Doink rolls him up in a schoolboy pin!*

1??
2????

Lancelot kicks out!

*Doink hops up and starts to dance around the ring, Bob also gets to his feet and tries to catch Doink as he dances past but misses and falls flat on his face!*

Sean Connery: There is no substitute for experience.

*Lancelot leaps up and then proceeds to chase Doink around the ring, Doink bursts into a run and then slides under the bottom rope and crawls underneath the ring. Lancelot also jumps out of the ring and follows Doink underneath the ring apron, but Doink quickly exits from the other side of the ring and hops over the barrier and hides in the crowd. Lancelot crawls out from underneath the ring.*

Johnny: Oh great, fucktard doesn't know where the clown went.

*Lancelot lifts up the ring apron and looks underneath it. He then walks to the other side of the ring and lifts up the apron on that side but cannot see Doink. Claire Matthews points to the crowd and tells Bob that Doink is there so Lancelot shrugs his shoulders and rolls back into the ring and tells the referee to count Doink out when all of a sudden the lights go out.*

Johnny: What happened to the lights?

*After a minute the lights come back on and Lancelot is standing in the ring with his trousers around his ankles in a pair of Y-Fronts and Claire is on the outside with her skirt around her ankles in a pink thong!*

Sean Connery: At least they won't be using heroin flavored bananas to finance revolutions.

*Doink is standing behind Bob and he taps him on the shoulder, Lancelot turns around and grabs at Doink, but Doink tied Lancelot?s shoe laces together and Bob trips over flat on his face!*

Tito: Doink is just playing with Bob here!

*Doink hops onto Bob?s back and starts to slap his ass, Doink hops off and then Bob crawls over to Schnitzel and tags him in.*

Sean Connery: World domination. The same old dream. Our asylums are full of people who think they're Naploeon. Or God.

*Schnitzel runs at Doink but Doink tags in Cactus Jack who runs at Schnitzel and flattens him with a clothesline, Schnitzel gets up but is knocked down by another forearm to the face. Schnitzel gets up a third time but is whipped into the corner by Cactus Sack who steps back and runs at Schnitzel and hits him with a superkick!*

Johnny: Craptastic Cactus Sack!

*Bob Lancelot runs into the ring at Cactus Jack but Jack hits a big back body drop on Lancelot and then starts to kick at him in the chest and head area. Schnitzel runs at Cactus but Cactus ducks and uses his leverage to toss Schnitzel over the top ropes and onto the ringside floor. Cactus climbs through the ropes and then runs and dives onto Schnitzel with the patented diving elbow off the ring apron!*

Tito: Schnitzel is now in Cactus? domain!

*Cactus gets up and does the ?Sang Sang? taunt then hobbles over to the announce table and removes the monitors, then drags Schnitzel towards the table.*

Sean Connery: Don't worry. I'm not supposed to be here either.

*Cactus lifts Schnitzel onto the table and lifts him up for a pile driver but Lancelot dashes out of the ring and pulls on Cactus? leg causing him to trip backwards and crash through the announce table with the weight of Schnitzel on top of him! Lancelot raises his arms in the air and turns around but is met by a moonsault from the top rope by Doink! The crowd let out a ?holy shit? chant as Lancelot catches Doink mid air and hits a thunderous pile driver onto the concrete floor.*

Tito: Lancelot showing why exactly he's hardcore. Great stuff there.

Sean Connery: I think they were on their way to a funeral!

*Lancelot helps Schnitzel to his feet and then climbs up ontop of Schnitzel?s shoulders and Schnitzel lifts him up into an electric chair drop crashing him down onto Cactus? stomach!*

Johnny: These two are on the same kiddy story page.

*Cactus rolls around on the floor in pain from the drop. Schnitzel lifts up Cactus and rolls him into the ring then makes the cover.*

1?
2???

Cactus kicks out!

*Schnitzel looks angry and stands up. He tags in Bob who goes to work on Cactus with stiff kicks to his gut. Cactus grabs his side, wincing in pain but manages to get to his feet using the ropes. Cactus rakes Bob in the eyes and then hits the double armed DDT and covers Bob! *

1??
2???

Claire lifts Bob?s leg onto the bottom rope to break the count.

Tito: Cactus had that won!

*The ref looks at Claire but she shakes her head and pleads her innocence.Cactus rolls out of the ring and grabs a steel chair from ringside and tosses it into the ring. Cactus grabs hold of the chair and swings it down hard onto the spine of Lancelot, Cactus stalks Lancelot with the chair again and swings it at him but Bob ducks under the chair shot and punches Cactus in the nuts!*

Sean Connery: Two air tickets to London?

Cactus crumples to the ground and Lancelot makes the cover.

1??
2???

Cactus kicks out!

Tito: How is Cactus still moving!?

*Cactus crawls over to his corner and tags in Doink who has finally recovered from the deadly power bomb on the outside. Doink runs into the ring but Lancelot trips him up and then tries to pull his mask off but Doink holds onto it tight and bites Bob?s fingers which start to bleed. Lancelot howls in pain and releases Doink and tags in Schnitzel who pummels at Doink with rights and lefts! Doink spins around and then falls to the mat and Schnitzel covers him.*

1?
2?

Doink kicks out!

*Meanwhile Cactus Sack is searching underneath the ring and he grabs a bag filled with thumbtacks from down there! Cactus slides it under the ring to Doink who conceals it until Schnitzel is about to lift him up and then whacks him across the face with the bag!*

Tito: Schnitzel is out cold!

*Lancelot runs into the ring and then grabs hold of the bag of thumbtacks but Doink yanks them free and then slams Lancelot over the face with the bag, knocking Lancelot to the mat. Doink raises the bag and is about to slam it down on Lancelot?s testicles when Claire runs into the ring and grabs the bag from behind Doinks back! Doink spins around and then grabs the bag from Claire, Doink looks at Claire and then looks at the bag of thumbtacks. Doink then pulls forward Claire?s shirt and empties hundreds of thumbtacks from the bag into her bra! Claire screams with pain and runs rolls around on the mat, she quickly removes her shirt and bra and tosses them away and we see around one hundred thumbtacks sticking into her boobs.*

Johnny: I hope Claire?s are natural, otherwise they will explode!

*Doink turns around but Schnitzel and Lancelot are up and back Doink into the corner. Cactus Jack steps through the ropes and all four men start to brawl in the ring, equally trading blows with each other. Schnitzel and Doink go at it, whilst Lancelot and Cactus brawl. Schnitzel tosses Doink over the top rope and Lancelot then tosses Cactus over the top rope. Schnitzel then whips Lancelot across the ropes and tosses him over the top, Lancelot lands a crossbody on Cactus and Doink knocking them into the ring barrier.*

Tito: Nice teamwork.

*Lancelot gets to his feet and then rolls Doink back into the ring. Lancelot also gets into the ring and he helps Claire to her feet and removes the last few thumbtacks from her boobs and then he and Schnitzel hold Doink in position and then Claire kicks Doink hard in the testicles, she then backs up and kicks him again hard. Bob tags Schnitzel in and climbes the top rope. Schnitzel hoists Doink into a gorrila press as Bob jumps off the top rope with a double stomp to Doink's back and then does a front roll on upon reacing the floor and runs to the other side of the ring. Doink falls onto Schnitzel's shoulders,who does a samoan drop. When Bob comes back to the ropes,Schnitzel lifts him up for a flapjack and slams him hard ontop of Doink. Schnitzel and Bob go for the mounted pin when suddenly "Natural Born Killaz" by Dr. Dre and Ice Cube is played!*

Johnny: Who the fuck it is now?

Tito: It can't be!

"Journey with me
Into the mind of a maniac
Doomed to be a killer
Since I came out the nutsac
I'm in a murderous mindsate
With a heart full of terror
I see the devil in the mirror"

*New Jack comes out with a cart full of weapons! He quickly storlls it down the rampway and throws it's containment into the ring. Before Schnitzel and Bob can even get up, New Jack comes in the ring swinging with a guitar! Schnitzel takes the full brunt of the blow, stumbling back and falling onto the ropes. New Jack prances around a little before Bob storms him with a clothsline. He ducks, quickly picks up a singapore cane off the floor and thwacks Bob with it.*

"BUCK BUCK, Lights out
Cause when I get my sawed off
Niggaz get hauled off [Ice Cube:] haha barrel one
Touches your motherfuckin flesh [Ice Cube:] barrel two
Shoots your fuckin heart out your chest
You see I'm quick to let the hammer go click
On my Tec-9 so if you try to reck mine
Fool it's your bad time"

*New Jack then picks up a steel chair and throws it at Schnitzel, who flips out of the ring. He prances a little more as he picks up a keyboard and smashes it upon Bob's head. New Jack then takes another steel chair and climbs the top turnbuckle. He puts the chair under his arm and jumps off,smashing Bob's face with the chair! Bob rolls out of the ring in agony as New Jack throws random objects at him.*

"Feel the blast of the chocolate bomber
Infra red aimed at your head
Like your name was Sarah Conner
Decapitatin I ain't hesitatin
To put you in the funderal home
With a bullet in your dome
I'm hot like lava
You got a problem?
I got a problem solver
And his name is revolver
It's like a deadly game of freeze tag
I touch you with a 44 mag
And your frozen inside a boddy bag
Nobody iller
Than this graveyard filler
Cap peeler
Cause I'm a Natural Born Killa"

*New Jack then picks up a coockie sheet and rolls out of the ring, looking for Schnitzel. He finds him stumbling over the barricade and follows pursuit. The camera the switches to Bob lying unconscious on the floor as Claire tries to get him up. New Jack and Schnitzel are no longer visible.*

Sean Connery: Holy shit....

Tito: I guess this match has to be ruled a no contest then.

Johnny: Look, Cactus Sack is back in the ring.

*And indeed,Cactus Sack is in the ring with a mic.*

Cactus Sack: Owwww have mercy!

Tito: Did I hear what I think I just heard?!

*Sack tears up his shirt,and reveals a Dude Love shirt beneath it. Some duddetes jump over the barricade and get into the ring. The Dude Love theme plays and everyone start dancing. Doink soon joins in the fun.*

Sean Connery: This is the most ludicrous thing I have ever seen in my life, but for some reason, I have a strange urge to dance.

Johnny: Okay....moving along.


"Iron Head" by Ozzy Osbourne and Rob Zombie begins playing as Brent Hall emerges from behind the curtains carrying a mic in one hand and a iron pipe in the other. He stops on the stage, looking at the fans who are booing him. Brent places the mic in the hand that's holding the pipe then raises his free hand in the air and gives everyone the middle finger. The camera zooms in closer to Brent only to catch him saying, "Kiss my ass"

Brent then makes his way down the aisle and toward the ring as people start to throw trash at him. Brent arrives at the ring and climbs the apron with the help of the second rope. He then enters over the second rope and walks to the center of the ring as the fans continue throwing trash his way and shouting, "You suck!" Brent grabs his crotch as if telling them 'Suck on this'.

The music then dies down and Brent drops the pipe down next to him and brings the mic near his lips. The fans quickly go quiet to hear what he has to say.

Brent: "Welcome to Brent Hall's Comedy Minute and because I'm so G<censor>d damn important, I'm extending this T.H.Power titled segment to 5 minutes."

He nods his head and the fans begin to chant, "Get the fuck out!" Brent takes the time to listen at the chants then brings the mic back to his lips.

Brent: "So you want comedy huh? Well, the only reason you people are pissed off is because I had one helluva orgy the other night with each and every one of your mothers."

An eruption of boo's occur as Brent points to an overweight guy in the front row.

Brent: "Come to think of it, I think it was your mother that gave me herpes."

The guy stands to his feet and goes to climb over the guard railing but is stopped by security. Brent pauses for a moment, turning away from the man and looks out to everyone.

Brent: "So Power wants comedy but yet he tries to censor everything I say? Well the only thing funny about Power is his c<censor>k size. Trust me, I know. His last girlfriend told me so herself."

The camera cuts away from Brent and pans over the fans, showing parents who are covering their childrens ears and looking toward the ring in disgust. The camera then cuts back to Brent who walks over to the corner of the ring and hops on the top turnbuckle, taking a seat.

Brent: "You know, I've heard rumors about parents emailing and phoning TKOW, telling them to fire me because of my actions. You know what I say about that? F(censor)...."

Brief pause allowing the censor to cover up what he almost said.

Brent: "FUCK YOU!"

He yells, managing to get by the censors.

Brent: "I'll tell you what though, to show you I'm not a bad guy...as an apology toward the parents, if the momma's wanna swing by suite 212, I'll be happy to F<censor>k your brains out, give you some more children and blame it on that piece of sh<censor>t T.,H. Power. Maybe then he could break Hardcore Al's record of the amount of cash he has to pay on child support."

Brent hops off the top turnbuckle and walks back to the center of the ring.

Brent: "Speaking of Hardcore Al. This guy is kinda like a hero to me, I mean come on, who else do you know that can get away with f<censor>king a girl, knocking her up and not have to pay child support?"

The fans boo Brent and begin chanting, "Brent's a Loser!"

Brent acknoledges the fans' chants by grabbing his crotch and saying, "I got your loser right here you morons."

He brings the mic back to his lips and walks over to the ropes, propping his arms accross the top and leaning against them.

Brent: "Since this segment is about over with, I want you all to know that you will never...and I mean ever get rid of me, you wanna know why you little bastards? Because I'm Brent G<censor>d damn Hall and Power doesn't have the balls to fire me and if he decided to show up right now, I got me an equalizer..."

Points over to the iron pipe

Brent: "...That I'd use to shut him up real fast"

He nods and grins a devilish grin.

Brent: "So until next time.....Boomer Later bitches!"

He drops the mic onto the mat as "Iron Head" by Ozzy and Rob Zombie begins to play. He walks over to where his iron pipe lays and picks it up then walks over to the turnbuckles, climbs them and looks out to the fans who again start throwing trash his way. Brent quickly hops down off the turnbuckle and grabs the mic off the mat bringing it back to his lips for a brief moment.

Brent: "I guess this means I'm the f<censor>ing Jerry Springer of TKOW, huh?"

He laughs out loud and throws the mic down again as his music continues to play. He walks over to the other side of the ring, climbing those turnbuckles as the trash continues to fly.

*Cut to commercial*

[TKOW Board]

Yuri Testkov: And now... what so many of the guys here have been waiting for and wishing they could play and that the girls who are playing were naked.... it?s time to Twiiiiiiisterrrrrrr!

Chubby Checker?s "Twist" blares through the arena and the Twister participants appear on stage.

Yuri Testkov: Our Twister competitors are~!: Bob Lancelot and, his valet and fiance, Claire! Former HPWA reporter, Heather DeLong! Former HPWA reporter James Luna, and current Birds of Prey cameraman, Jason Luna! Aello, the Winged Maiden! The lovely Alice Allure! Lady Hawke! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand... The winner of the Prince of Hell and #1 contender for the TKOW Championship Title.. Kiiiiiid Styyyyyyyyyyyyyyles!!!!

As Yuri calls their names, the participants walk down the ramp, doing their own thing such as reacting to the crowd, signing autographs or totally ignoring everything and heading straight to the ring and their assigned Twister mat, according to their personalities and/or wrestling popularity/notoriety. Once all have reached the ring, the head referee for TKOW, John Valery, takes the microphone.

Tito: All contestants have been briefed on the rules backstage. Being that we have so many contestants and limited time, three Twister mats have been placed in the ring. Also, backstage each player randomly drew a number for a particular mat--either 1, 2 or 3 and also the starting positions, again 1, 2, or 3. All three mats will play at the same game at the same time. The gameplay will continue until all three mats have a winner. The winner from each mat will then advance to the second and final game. The winner of the final game will be TKOW?s 2006 Twister Champion. All decisions made by Valery are final.

Johnny: You're so longwinded. Let's get this started!

John Valery: Is everyone ready?

An overhead view on the Khaostron shows the following configuration:

Mat #1:
Position 1: Claire Matthews
Position 2: James Luna
Position 3: Aello.

Mat #2:
Position 1: Lady Hawke
Position 2: Bob Lancelot
Position 3: Heather DeLong

Mat #3:
Position 1: Kid Styles
Position 2: Alice Allure
Position 3: Jason Luna

Valery pulls out the spinner and gives it a good flick. When it stops he calls out right hand yellow. Claire, LH, Kid all place theirs in the closest yellow circle. James, and Bob use the closest spot while Alice chooses the second closest yellow. The remaining three lean over the mat to the opposite side (each standing on red circles) and do all the third from the right yellows.

Next called is left foot green. On Mat #1 Claire crosses her left foot behind her right to get to the first green in the row. Aello has to swing hers around and over Claire's head to the third green spot next to her yellow hand. James just shuffles his foot over in his corner. On Mat #2 LH, keeping her hand on the yellow, flips around on her yellow foot (starting position) and gains her position by bending backwards. Heather does a high split to maneuver to hers and Bob copies James' move while eyeing Heather's derierre. Bob tries to flip up her skirt with his free hand but Valery stops him.

Johnny: What I wouldn't do to be in Bob's spot right now...

On Mat #3 Kid sticks his left foot between his other foot and hand, partially squatting in position. Jason copies Heather and Alice copies James' and Bob's moves.

John Valery: Left hand red.

On Mat #1 Claire turns slightly on her feet, and reaches out, barely being able to touch and hold the second red spot from her. Aello merely twists at the waist and leans down. James turns and 'accidently' brushes Aello's ass as he puts his hand on red and she fusses at him, getting him a warning from the ref. On Mat #2, LH has gone into a complete back bend, her hair nearly touching the mat to reach the red with her hand. Heather maneuvers into a partial lunge to reach the red and Bob runs his fingers up Heather's left leg as he moves it to the red. She complains but the ref was chastising James at the time and missed it. Bob grins. At Mat #3 Kid keeps squatting now very low and reaches back over his head to touch the red. Alice follows Bob minus playing with Jason's leg, and Jason copies Heather, practically sitting on his heel.

John Valery: Left foot blue.

On Mat # 1 Claire tucks her foot underneath and crosses it to the closest blue she can, while Aello just pulls hers back and beneath her into a squat. James attempts to show off, swings his foot around in a spin and loses his balance and falls flat on his ass, drawing chuckles from the audience. He turns a bit red and rolls out of the ring and walks quickly backstage.

Tito: And the first player has been eliminated. Only Claire and Aello remain on Mat #1.

On Mat #2 LH earns a round of applause from her gymnastic ability as she puts her weight on her hands and other foot, lifting her body up high and then drawing her left foot over her shoulder, going into a sort of controlled reverse splits (never lifting her other foot) with both feet just touching the mat on their appropriate colors. Heather straightens slightly and pulls her foot over to blue. Bob stretches as far as possible to reach the red spot nearest Heather and tries to looks up her skirt.

Johnny: Way to go, Bob!

Tito: ...

At Mat #3 Jason mimics Heather and sees what Bob is doing and calls out to Valery, but by the time he turns, Bob is looking around innocently. Claire glares at him from Mat #1. Kid breathes a sigh of relief as he throws his arm over to red and respositions his weight. Alice stretches over in a lunge position to take the red.

John Valery: Right foot yellow.

Claire twists her lower body and swings her foot to yellow. Aello turns slightly to reach it. LH inches her foot to the most comfortable yellow, maintaining her splits. Heather turns sideways to Bob, denying him any current viewing up her skirt. Bob shrugs and steps his foot to yellow. Kid twists his lower body to get to yellow, his arms crisscrossed. Jason accidently touches Alice as he maneuvers and when the ref isn't looking when she moves she sweeps his feet out, causing him to fall. Jason tries to protest but the ref won't have it and orders him out. He goes, rolling to the apron and watching from there.

Tito: And now two down already and it wasn't even Jason's fault.

Johnny: What the ref says is final....

John Valery: Left foot red.

On Mat #2 Bob makes sure to rub his foot up against Heather's leg and take the red spot on the other side of her leg when he moves, forcing her to take the one on the other side of his. She yells at him to stop it as he rubs his leg against her. Claire hears as she goes to move and trips up Aello, dropping her. LH finally flips on over to her feet and stretches forward. The Winged Maiden just shrugs and rolls out of the ring where she's met by Jason and they talk among themselves as the game progresses with Kid eyeing Alice's cleavage as they move closer to one another. Claire hops up on the turnbuckle nearest Bob and sits watching.

John Valery: Right hand Green.

LH stretches out but her arms give way and she falls to an elbow and the ref orders her off the mat. She nods and rolls off and walks up the ramp a bit wobbly, Aello and Jason flanking her. Heather has to turn, facing Bob, who also must turn in a very convoluted manner, and, being a hunchback was to his disadvantage, and he falls, taking Heather with him by tripping her leg with his. The ref declares Heather the winner of Mat #2 and asks her to sit out while Kid and Alice continue. Heather leans against the ropes, eyeing Claire who is joined by Bob. Valery spins the spinner again.

John Valery: Right foot green.

Both Kid and Alice contort so that they end up with Kid just one space behind Alice, his head nearly between her legs and up her derriere. Whistles and shouts come from the audience and Alice shakes her booty, causing the response to get louder and stronger. Kid grins, slightly embarassed, but holds his position.

Tito: Looks like a lot of guys would like to trade places with Kid about now.

Johnny: Yeah, and I'm one of 'em! C'mon Alice, shake that thang some more!

John Valery: Left hand blue.

Both move their hands.

John Valery: Left foot green.

Alice quickly slides her long leg between Kid's and takes the closest remaining green before he can, putting him in a position of 'being on top." This garners more whistles and yells as he tries to reach the only open green spot behind him. Unfortunately he is so far forward on the mat that his leg just won't reach it and he shows the ref, who declares Alice the Mat #3 winner. Crew dash in to remove the two uncessary mats and reposition the one remaining in the center of the ring.

Tito: So out of the nine we are now down to three in the Twister finals between Claire Matthews, Heather DeLong, and Alice Allure.

The ref speaks quietly with the women and they move to the same starting positions as before:

Position 1: Claire Matthews
Position 2: Alice Allure
Position 3: Heather DeLong

John Valery: Left foot red.

Claire slides her left foot over. Heather remains still (already standing on red) and Alice turns her back to the other two to put her left foot on red.

John Valery: Right hand blue.

Claire leans over and places hers next to Heather's. Alice squats down, placing her right hand behind her on the closest empty blue circle.

John Valery: Right foot green.

Alice stretches out her right leg and takes a green spot as Heather straddles the mat to reach green. Claire slides her right foot to the end green circle.

Johnny: C'mon ladies, I want to see you all tangled up in a threesome!

The men in the audience cheer at Johnny's remarks.

John Valery: Left hand blue.

Claire crosses her arms to reach a blue. Heather has no trouble reaching down and Alice just puts her other arm behind her and bends her knees. The men in front of her cheer.

Tito: I hope she's wearing underwear...

Johnny: *standing* I'm going to go look.

A security guard moves in between him and the ring.

John Valery: Left foot red.

Johnny: Damn, too late!

He sits and the guard stands back as the women adjust their stances.

John Valery: Right hand yellow.

Alice finds it easier now, shifting, while Claire and Heather almost fight over the same spot, both finally choosing another and, to the audience's delight, crossing arms to do so.

Johnny: Yeah! Here we go... give us something worth watching, girls!

Claire glares at Heather, who stares back at her.

John Valery: Right foot yellow.

Alice immediately swings her leg around taking the one nearest Heather, forcing her to take the one further away as Claire snatched up the only other remaining one close to her. Heather just manages to touch the circle with her toes.

John Valery: Left hand green.

Heather shifts but can't control and falls. Valery helps her off the mat as the other two stretch to reach, heading more toward one another. Heather slips out of the ring to a round of applause. She smiles and waves and makes her way to the stage where Dr. Cliff Hawke awaits her.

John Valery: Left foot blue.

Claire moves her foot right up next to Alice, who is having to do a backbend to reach.

John Valery: Right hand red.

Alice barely can reach but does and Claire does as well.

John Valery: Left hand yellow.

Alice loses her balance. Claire moves her left hand to yellow and holds. Valery helps Alice up to another round of applause, then assists Claire to her feet and raising her arm into the air to the sound of cheers.

Yuri Testkov: TKOW's Totally Tubular Thursday's Twister Champion... Claire Mattheeeeewwwsss!

Johnny: Damn... I thought it'd be better than this! I wonder if it's too late to get in the Smoke-a-thon...

A large, cardboard cutout of Extreme Killer Phil is placed in the ring next to a set of ropes. Then, "Meaning of Life" by Disturbed starts to play as Phoenix and Matt Griffen make their way out to the ring. Soon after, "Go To Sleep" by Eminem, DMX, Obie Trice plays as Soulfly makes his way to the ring with his face clean from the contest.

Yuri: There's supposed......

But as he begins to speak, "Magic Emporer Ghaleon - Mechanical Castle" by Noriyuki Iwadare begins to play. Ghalleon makes his way out wearing a black hooded robe. The hood is down, thus showing a new look for Ghalleon. His hair cut short and dyed blond. His purple marks gone and his eye back to normal. He enters the ring and grabs Yuri's mic from him.

Ghalleon: I would explain about my new look, but not now. For once, I'm willing to set aside things and do this.

He tosses the mic back to Yuri and got ready for the event.

Yuri: Ok, well. This event is called Pin the Tail on EKP. The rules are simple, the person that can pin the tail closest to between the eyes of this EKP cut out. Remember that traditional pin the tail on the donkey rules do apply for this. First up, Matt Griffen.

Yuri puts the blindfold on Matt and then spins him around three times before letting him go. Matt goes towards it and places the tail on the left shoulder of EKP. He raises his blindfold and laughs slightly before moving out of the way. Yuri then sets Soulfly up as he did Matt. Fly staggers off towards the cutout and nails the tail right in the middle of the throat. He removes his blindfold and laughs at this as he smacks the cut out slightly. He moves out of the way so that Phoenix can makes his attempt. But he just tells Yuri that he don't want a blindfold for this. He tells the crowd to watch this as he throws his tail like its a dart. It ends up right below Fly's spot.

Yuri: Ok, the last one is Ghalleon. If he can't make it, then Soulfly wins this competition.

Yuri sets Ghalleon up, spins him three times. Ghalleon moves towards the cut out. He quickly stabs the tail right in the nose of the cut out. Ghalleon takes the blindfold off and smiles at this. He backs up from the cut out and then waits for Yuri to announce him the winner.

Yuri: Your winner, Ghalleon.

Ghalleon smiles and then pulls the mic away from Yuri to speak.

Ghalleon: Hmmm, good. Now for celebration, I want to introduce something that you people should love. Roll the footage.

The Khaostron goes black and a voice is then heard.

Voice Over: In 2005, a group of amazing wrestlers grouped together to stop Section 8. These men promptly defeated the members of the group. Today, still wanted by Section 8, though they really shouldn't be hunted by them, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them and maybe they'll consider it, maybe you can hire... The Order.

The A-Team music starts to play as footage of a black van with a red stripe is shown driving down the road. It then switches over to show a pic of Ghalleon talking with someone with the words 'Ghalleon as Col. John "Hannibal" Smith at the bottom. It then switches over to show Pender picking up a couple girls with the words 'Pender as Face'. It then switches over to see Crim and Saphron beating someone down then giving each other a Hi-5 with the words 'Crim as B.A. Baracus and Saphron as Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock. The music then plays through with the typical car flips and such and ends with 'The Order productions'. Ghalleon smiles on as Phoenix and Matt try to keep from laughing.

Tito: And we're ready for our next match.

Johnny: Yay, a jobber and who...?

We see that the first competitor in this match, perennial TKOW jobber Mercury standsin the ring, the crowd reacts to the man's presence with a tepid applause... when the lights cut out.

Johnny: Another lights go out entrance! Geez, can't somebody hire a better creative team?

Tito: Can it, Johnny.

Johnny: How about I ask Power for an announcers' match for later tonight instead?

The opening chords of In Flames' "Black and White" begin. A hush falls over the crowd when a lone figure ventures out onto the ramp, a hoodie hiding his features. He walks halfway down the isle to the ring, his head downcast, not making eye contact with anyone. When he stops, he turns to the crowd and flips his hoodie off.

Tito: Oh shit...

Johnny: Oh, this is gonna be fun.

The crowd pops at the realization that the man wearing the sleeveless hoodie is none other nthan the former two-time TKOW tag team champion...

Tito: It's Tobias Burden, "The Heartless" Tobias Burden! We haven't seen him since AVR dropped the titles!

Johnny: He's huge! He's not the size of... say, Soulfly, but he's obviously not let his absence be a waste of time. He's going to kill Mercury! Ha, this's gonna be the best slaughtering of a human being we've seen in a while!

Tobias hops up onto the apron and turns to look backwards down the aisle. Mercury takes advantage of Tobias' theatrics by sucker punching him the back of the head. One, two, three, four, five...Bam! Tobias returns the blow sending Mercury stumbling. Tobias takes advantage of his opponent's reprieve by climbing in between the second and third ropes and finally entering the ring to begin the match.

Tito: What do you think Mercury's strategy is for this match...

Johnny: ... Survive... as if Tobias'll let him!

Mercury regains his composure and starts delivering toe kicks to Tobias' stomach, which seem to be doing nothing more than fazing him. Mercury backs up, planning to step into the kick to cause more damage, but Tobias catches his ankle mid-kick and falls with it in his clutch.

Tito: Dragon screw...

Johnny: The name of that move ALWAYS throws me off.

Tito: You're a sick man Johnny.

Johnny: Not as sick as Carpenter.

Tobias regains his fet nonchalantly and begins to stalk a crawling Mercury, who makes his way to the corner and grips the ropes to help him stand. Tobias rushes in and clotheslines him into the turnbuckles, then back up to the opposite corner of the ring, lining his oponent up he takes a full speed dash across the ring... only to be met with a front dropkick to the ribs.

Tito: Mercury has actually winded the "Heartless One." Do we sense an upset...?

Tobias staggers clutching his stomach, seeing his opponent's onslaught halted Mercury runs the ropes, but Tobias recovers before he returns and Mercury runs smack dab into a spinning strong lariat clothesline!

Tito: Guess I spoke to soon.

Johnny: You always do.

TH1 sits on his knees, glaring over his downed opponent. He smack talks Mercury before grabbing the TKOW jobber to his feet. Burden kicks Mercury in the stomach, doubling him over. He then hooks both of Mercury's arms and flings him with all the care of a ragdoll. The double underhook suplex sends Mercury careening into the corner to land on the top of his head!

Tobias gives his opponent no time to rest and drags him back out to the center of the ring where he proceeds to stomp the back of Mercury's head and neck. The downed man attempts to roll away from the offense but Tobias stomps on his stomach, reaches down and lifts him back to his feet, only to hit Mercury with a swinging neckbreaker.

Johnny: Good to know some things never change, roses are red, the sky is blue, water is wet and Tobias enjoys hurting people.

Tito: This isn't a match. It's a beating.

Tobias lifts his opponent's limp body again, only this time lifting Mercury up into a Fireman's carry. Just as quickly as he lifts the light man up, however, does Tobias pop Mercury over his head. Before he can land face first on the mat, Tobias kicks him in the ribs on the way down. Mercury, obviously winded, stumbles back up to his feet clutching his stomach. Tobias walks behind his opponent and signals to the crowd that it's over.

Tito: Tobias has got something in mind.

Tobias hits Mercury's right leg with a chop block, making him kneel inside of the ring. With Mercury on one knee Tobias runs the ropes, steps up on Mercury's braced knee, brings his other leg high up into an axe kick which arces right into the back of Mercury's head. Mercury crumples up like a sack of potatoes, Tobias rolls the man over with his foot and steps on his chest, motioning for the ref to make the three count.

One...
Two...
Three!

Tito: Tobias wins a squash here ladies and gentlemen! Apparently with a new finisher, like the Shining Wizard and an axe kick had a love child...

Johnny: *sigh* It was a beating, but Tobias didn't do as much as I'd have liked him to...

Tito: Whatever... anyways, to commercial!

[TKOW Board]

A man walks up to the "Green Room" and knocks on the door. The door opens and smoke billows out into the hallway. Fly stumbles out. His eyes are now barely open and he seems to be.... in another world.

Fly: Whats up man?

Man: I'm here from catering, everythings ready.

Fly: Oh hell yea! Send that shit in.

The man makes a gesture and another man pushes a cart into the room, another man follows behind him with another cart.

Caterer: I need you to sign something for me..

Two more cartpushers enter the room as he hands Fly some papers.

Fly: What's this?

Another cart enters the room

Caterer: It's something I need you to sign, verifing you got our delivery and accept the charges.

Yet ANOTHER cart filled with food enters the room, with another right behind it as Fly signs.

Fly: Speaking of the charges, how much is it?

The caterer pulls out another sheet of paper and shows it to Fly as not one, not two, not three, but 4 more carts enter the room. Fly doesn't seem surprised by the bill.

Fly: That's it?

As another cart enters the room, the caterer nods and replies.

Caterer: Yes.

Fly: Hold on, I have it.

Fly reaches in his front pocket and digs around as a man pushes three carts in (they were short in manpower).

Fly: Here ya go.

Fly tosses a money roll at the guy, as someone else pushing three carts enters the room. The guy looks at the roll and looks up at Fly.

Fly: It's all their, and their should be enough left over for a nice size tip for yourself and your whole crew.

The caterer's crew walk out of the room at that instance. Fly gives them a quick look over.

Fly: Actually, you should all be bringing in a triple digit tip with that.

Caterer: Thanks, and enjoy.

Fly turns back to the Green Room, which still has smoke pouring out of it. He walks in, and the door starts closing behind him.

Fly: Damn! You bitches could have saved something for me!

The crowd talks among themselves as Yuri Testkov starts to speak over the mic.

Yuri: Ladies and Gentlemen, in this ring, we have one table set with cherry pies, one for each contestant to start, and another standing by ready for however many they can stuff down. Now, let's have the participants make their way to the ring!

The crowd cheers as T.H. Power, Aello, Cody, Bob and Soulfly start to make their way to the ring. They all enter the ring and make their way to a seat at the table in front of a pie of their own. Yuri starts to speak when "Obsession" by Animotion starts to play. The competitors turn around to see Pender make his way out in a flashy purple coat with a red trim. He walks down the entrance way, turns and then points to his back which shows his name in white writing in an arch format. His short purple hair is slicked back as he smiles, turns around and taunts the women at the ringside. He carries a mic in his left hand as he starts to run his fingers across his chin, while still smiling. He sits on the ropes, smiles and points at himself before he makes his way into the ring. The crowd boos him on as he makes his way up to Yuri.

Pender: A pie eating contest? Well, you know, I'm actually kind of hungry after singing some music. So why not?

Pender lowers his head, turns, smiles slyly and looks out at the crowd as he speaks again.

Pender: After all, I sure do like, pie. Heh, heh, heh. And a man of my caliber that knows the ladies, should definately be in this contest. After all, I probly had more pie than Soulfly here.

Soulfly rolls his eyes as he shrugs him off. Yuri seceretly tells the competitors to go ahead and start as Pender continues on bragging, playing up the crowd.

Pender: I mean, I am a personified ladies man. There isn't a man around that does what I do.

Pender turns back around and notices that the contest is well under way. The two main leaders are Power and Soulfly, each cramming the pies into their mouths as quickly as possible. They focus mostly on the other, while Bob and Cody try to catch up. Aello begins with a slow start but has made good headway, nearly finishing her first pie. Pender sees this and rushes over, but Yuri trips him and Pender falls face first into a pie about to be set before Power. Aello notices how Power and Fly are focused on each and grins and speeds up her eating. As the seconds finally count down to 30 seconds remaining, the competitors are on their third to fourth pie each, Aello, Cody and Bob having made good headway and closing on Power and Soulfly. Pender rolls out of the ring and goes to the outside, wondering what has just happened. The clock then finally ticks down to its last seconds as Aello finished up what few bites she had left. The clock then hit zero and the competitors pushed away from the table. Pender looks on from outside the rin, his face all red from the cherries and angry at the one who tripped him. Cody grabs the mic.

Cody: Looks like you're only good at popping cherries.

The crowd and others in the ring start to laugh as Pender snatches one of the towels away from the refs and makes his way back to the backstage. Yuri and another ref then count how much each contestant had eaten. Bob and Cody both tied at 3 3/4th's of a pie. Power and Fly tied at 4 1/2 pies. Both men smirk at the rest until Aello's count is tallied.

Yuri raises Aello's hand high into the air.

Yuri: The winner of the TKOW Pie Eating Contest at 4 3/4 pies... Aeeeellloooooooooo!

The crowd cheers as she licks her lips and grabs several of the wet towelettes provided her and wipes her face and hands. As she walks by the other men she asks for Yuri's microphone. Pender wipes his face clean as he listens from near the entrance way.

Aello: *looking at Power and Soulfly* Shame a girl can eat more pie than you guys, especially when you both love it so much.

She then winks and looks out at the crowd as the crowd cheers her on as the winner. Pender just shakes his head "no" in a slight manner before throwing the towel back towards the ring.

We Return to the Smoke-a-thon. And most of the room is smoked out. The three members of Three 6 Mafia were also drinking dat purple drink, so they've nodded off in their respective chairs. Their crew of Lil Wyte, Frayser Boy, and Project Pat also fell victim to the purple drink and have passed out as well. Ludacris took two girls to the bathroom, so he's out of the equation. Cheech has passed out with a string of spagetti hanging from his mouth, Chong has a chicken wing hanging out of his mouth. Big Boi, after losing in the tournament, has passed out in a corner chair with a stripper in his lap. Snoop Dogg, unlike his crew of Warren G, Nate Dogg & Kurrupt, is still going strong, with a freshly lit blunt in his mouth as his head bobs to the music. Ashton Kutcher was the first to pass out, and he's face first in the floor, bent at an awkward angle. Young Buck has his feet propped up on Ashtons head, he isn't exactly asleep, but he isn't exactly there either. But, he still seems to be going strong as he takes a sip from his 40. And the camera pans over to the gaming corner, where D-matic and Phoenix are preparing to go head to head....so we see D's still going strong, then again, when whooping ass at Madden it's hard to go to sleep, as D-matic finished off Big Boi, then dumped Kurrupt, then Nate Dogg, and his last victim was Ludacris, who took his loss with grace by taking the two girls nearest him to the bathroom to "console" him. Phoenix got to the finals by knocking off Ashton early, then knocking out Fly, and in his last game beat out the mighty Snoop Dogg. Over beside the gamers sits Fly, Lady Hawke, B-Real & Sen Dogg, and they're still going strong as a blunt is passed between the four of them. They don't really need to be smoking, all four of them are toasted. But it is a smoke-a-thon. Fly stands up, and nearly falls over his own feet doing so and this draws laughter from everyone still awake in the room. The laughter causes Young Buck to fully regain his senses, mainly the sense that he's fucked up.

Fly: *laughing as he's talking* Shut up you guys, listen.....uuuhhhh......what was I gonna say?

B-Real: That you need to shut the fuck up and sit down.

Everyone, even Fly, bursts out laughing. All of a sudden, Ashton wakes up and leaps to his feet. He doesn't look to good, and runs over to a trashcan, and starts hurling.

Fly: Oh my fucking, he's getting sick off of weed.

D-matic takes his attention away from the game for this. Lady hawke scribbles something on a paper and hands it to the nearest person, who happens to be Sen Dogg.

Sen Dogg: Oh thanks baby, I'll give you a call.

She lightly punches his arm and points to it.

Sen Dogg: Oh yea, that's right, my bad......

Sen Dogg reads it out loud.

Sen Dogg: Someone really should help him.

Fly: Why don't you help him?

She scribbles on another piece of paper and hands it to Sen Dogg.

Sen Dogg: *reading note* I would, but I don't think I can stand up, much less walk over there. *looking at Ashton* I gotta agree with her, thats a long walk.

B-Real: Yea, he'll be alright, he just can't handle his weed.

Fly: Hey, Pat's waking up, he can help him...hey Pat!

Project Pat is indeed waking up.

PP: What's up homie?

Fly: Ashton's getting sick over there, ya wanna help him out?

Pat: Hell no, what the hell's he gettin sick for anyway?

Fly: Too much weed.

Pat: No.

B-Real: Yea, he's a superlightweight.

Pat: This is some bullshit, I gotta deal with this now.

Pat gets up and walks over to Ashton, and kicks him in the side.

Pat: You little weak ass bitch, how the hell you gonna get sick off some weed? You little punkass nigga.

Pat grabs him by the collar of his shirt and the top of his jeans and carries him.

Pat: Your bitch ass don't even belong in the same room as Project Pat, get the fuck out.

Pat tosses him into and through the door. Pat walks over towards Fly, whos been holding the blunt for a minute.

Pat: Yo pass that shit nigga, it's puff puff pass.

Fly takes a quick puff off the blunt and passes it to pat.

Fly: I remember what I was gonna say now.

B-Real: Took ya long enough.

Fly: We're almost done with the smoke-a-thon. Now, here's what's gonna happen...Pat's brought some of that Bin Laden weed over, and that shits like three different kinds of weed anyways. I got a some purple haze, some shit from British Columbia, some hydro from fucking Indonesia, and some of the dankest blueberry I've ever smoked. It's all been rolled into some blunts. Theirs enough for each of us to have one...

He starts tossing them to the people as he calls em out.

Fly: Pat....Snoop.....Buck.....B-Real....Sen Dogg....Lady Hawke....and myself.

D turns away from the pregame stuff on the TV at this.

D: And?

Fly: Motherfucker, you got a tournament to win, so shut the fuck up.

D-matic:but I want in on that shit too.

Fly: There's one more blunt, and it goes to the winner of the tournament.

D quickly turns back to the game.

Fly: Now, we're all gonna watch their game for the championship, while we each smoke our own little personal. Now heres whats up...I'm going to give 1,000 dollars, to every person that can finish their blunt and stay awake before their game's over. Everyone that doesn't finish, you're out of luck...unless....I havent finished my blunt. If I haven't finished my blunt, anyone that's still smoking, but has smoked more than me, gets the cash as well. Now, I believe they're playing 2 minute quarters, All-Madden level, all the other shits normal, with the special rule that 21-0 is SKUNK and the game's over, so let these boys get it on...

Phoenix, playing as the New York Jets, is recieving the kickoff, but D, being highly skilled in every aspect of the game, sends the kick sailing through the back of the endzone, for a touchback. Phoenix has the ball at his own 20. He decides to start off with a simple play, a sweep to the right. Curtis Martin doesn't have much luck, as the raider defense swarms him for a one yard loss.

D-matic: Yea that's that D for ya.

Phoenix: I'm just getting warmed up.

Second down, and a draw up the middle, Martin picks up the lost yard, and picks up another yard.

Third and nine. Twenty one yard line, a minute left in the first QTR. What will Phoenix do? A simple play called "RB Wheel" Pennington looks deep to his reciever, then hits Martin underneath the coverage right at the 30. Martin runs forward for a couple yards, then jukes to the left, missing a tackle in the process. The Hit Stick then owns some poor Defensive back, as Martin powers over him. One man to beat. Juke to the right, and Martin sprints for a 79 yard touchdown pass from Chad Pennington.

Phoenix: Touchdown!

D-matic: I was holding back.

Phoenix: Sure, and I'm not the champion.

Extra point is good. Jets kickoff, but Phoenix fucked it up and it went out of bounds. D-matic gets the ball at the 40. And he goes deep, and, Kerry Collins fumbles! Jets ball at the 35!

D-matic: Fuck! Fuck!

With first down, Martin runs a counter to the right, and picks up 7. Second and 3, playaction pass, Pennington hits his number one reciever at the 12 yard line for a first down! End of first Quarter.

Fly: It doesn't look good, D.

D: Shut up.

Phoenix runs a play called "Z-Out" and its a great call, as he hits Wayne Chrebet for a first down inside the one yard line.

Phoenix: Thats a fucken touchdown!

Phoenix immediately calls a challenge. The referees take a look at the ball, and the call stands!

D-matic: Ah, yea, it's over now.

Phoenix tries a draw play with Martin, but he doesn't reach the end zone. Second and goal, the play "HB Blunt" (what an appropriate play) and he's hit for a yard loss! Third and goal, Pennington tries the QB Sneak, and he doesn't make it! Fourth and goal, The Radiers call timeout!

Fly: Damn, thats what you call a goal line stand!

But Phoenix easily makes the field goal for a 10-0 lead, with 45 seconds left in the first half. D takes the kickoff from two yards deep in the endzone, and makes it to the 22 before getting creamed. Forty seconds left. Collins drops back to throw...

Fly: Sack!

No! Collins dodges the sack (what a shocker there) and throws downfield, hitting Moss at the 39. Raider timeout. with his next play, D executes a perfect corner pass, hitting his tight end for a first down at the NY 45, and he gets out of bounds. Next play, Collins goes back to throw, pass is broken up. Twenty-two seconds left. Another Raider pass, and another incomplete pass. 3rd and 10, 18 seconds. D runs a out play and hits Moss for a 12 yard gain. No Huddle offense, spikes the ball. Eight seconds left in the first half, 2nd and 10 at the 33 yard line. What is D going to do? He....runs the ball to the left? For a gain of maybe a yard? Last Raider timeout with 3 seconds left.

Phoenix: What the hell was that?

Fly: He was centering the ball for the field goal, at least I hope that's what he's doing...

The Radiers line up for the field goal, and Janikowski runs in for the kick, its good! Halftime. New York Jets 10, Oakland Raiders 3. D takes a quick hit from the bong. Young Buck hops up and runs to the fridge.

Fly: Hey Buck, grab me a 40 while you up.

Buck grabs two of the 40's and shuts the fridge.

Second half begins. Jets kickoff. D jukes to the right, jukes to the left, spins off a tackler, stiff arm, hurdle, Hit Stick.

Fly: Oh Shit! He's gone!

Ninety-eight yard touchdown return, 10-10. Raiders kickoff. Jets return the ball to the 24. Pennington drops back to throw, and, Charles Woodson with the Interception!

D: To Da House!

Woodson runs to the right, misses a tackle, he's got a lane.....Touchdown Raiders! 17-10. and a mini dance from D.

D-matic: Who's house, D's house.

Raiders kickoff. Touchback. Pennington hits Chrebet for a 13 yard down. With 1:15 left in the 3rd quarter, Martin's running to the right, he jukes, and fumbles as he's hit! Raiders ball at the 30! D doesn't waste any time and manages to hit Moss on a streak for a easy touchdown! 24-10 Raiders!

B-Real: This one's over.

Lady Hawke hangs her head and blows out a cloud of smoke. It appears Phoenix is done with barely any time left in the third. Kickoff, no return. Martin runs the ball to the right, breaks a tackle, gets a first down out of bounds with an 11 yard gain. Then the doombringer, Martin on a sweep to the left, noone close to him, only the saftey to beat. Martin stops dead in his tracks right before contact, then jukes to the right, easy touchdown. 24-17. End of third quarter.

Fly: It's a game now.

Phoenix tries the onside kick to start the 4th. Somehow....he comes up with it! Jets ball at the 45! Phoenix runs a 4 wideout shotgun play...and hands it to Martin up the middle for a 6 yard gain. Second and 4, playaction pass, Martin catches the pass, and barely gets the first down out of bounds. Pennington drops back to throw, and hits Wayne Chrebet, streaking into the endzone for a touchdown! game tied at 24!

Phoenix kicks off, minimal return by D. First down, Incomplete pass. Second down, screen pass, for a 2 yard down. Third & eight with a little over a minute left. Pennington takes the snap, and he goes down with a sack! Fourth and long. Collins goes back to throw, Moss has a step, Collins throws. Incomplete!

Phoenix takes over on downs. Runs with Martin up the middle, 4 yards. Raider timeout. Counter to the right, 3 yards. Raider timeout, thats their final one. Third and three. Martin takes the handoff, he dodges Sapp, and dives forward, and gets the first down!

With the game now within his grasp, Phoenix runs the ball up the middle twice, eating up the clock, before he finally stops it with a timeout, leaving 5 seconds on the clock, to try a 31 yard field goal for the game. The snap, the kick is away, and its good! Jets win! Jets win!

Phoenix: Yea! Who's the man!

Phoenix and D slap hands.

D: Good game pimpin.

Phoenix: Same to you D.

Fly tosses Phoenix the blunt. Phoenix looks at it and hands it to D, whos nearly foaming at the mouth over the thing. Fly turns to check on the others.

Fly: Well, well, well, you're all finished, that's what I'm talking about!

Fly pulls out a wad of bills and starts handing out money to the winners, as it fades away.

[TKOW Board]

Tito: Well now we come to perhaps the match with the most to lose for a TKOW MegaStar who is on top of the world after Holliday Hell, and the Most to gain for someone from the TKOW Training school. The Duke, Duke McFilthy is about to face the Gauntlet.

Johnny: I didn?t like The Duke back in SCW, but since he?s made his way to TKOW, I?ve truly become a fan of The Duke. He?s stood up to Section 8, he?s joined the Order, and as he said earlier tonight, he is the reason Soulfly is no longer TKOW Champion.

Tito: Well, I think Phoenix is the reason Soulfly isn?t TKOW champion, but you can?t deny the impact The Duke has made in TKOW since returning to action. Let?s go to the ring for the announcements.

Yuri Testkov: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is The ?Make Your Match? Gauntlet, I will announce the first two wrestlers, then they begin the match, when one of them is eliminated the next wrestler will be announced, and so on, until the winner will be the last person left in the ring at the end. If The Duke loses, and the person who beat him wins the match, that winner will get Duke?s match at the Next Pay Per View, as well as, The Duke?s TKOW contract. If The Duke loses, and the person that beat him loses, the winner of the match receives ten thousand dollars.

Johnny: Shit, come on Yuri, we only have an hour.

(Metaligus by Alter Bridge Play through the arena and various clips of The Duke show on the Tron, including a lot of the action from Holliday Hell)

Yuri Testkov: Ladies and Gentlemen, hailing from Chicago Illinois, standing six feet, six inches, and weighing two hundred and fifty-five pounds?

I've been defeated and brought down
Dropped to my knees when hope ran out
The time has come to change my ways

Yuri: He is the Winner of the First Blood Invitational?

On this day I see clearly everything has come to life
A bitter place and a broken dream
And we'll leave it all, leave it all behind

Yuri: The Duke, Duke McFillllllthy~!

(The Duke Hits the Ramp.)

I'll never long for what might have been
Regret won't waste my life again
I won't look back
I'll fight to remain

(The Duke looks Different, as he?s wearing all red, instead of his trademark purple, and his hair is now platinum blonde.)

On this day I see clearly everything has come to life
A bitter place and a broken dream
And we'll leave it all behind

(The Duke Walks down the ramp with a cocky swagger, ignoring the fans, whose reaction is clearly mixed.)

On this day it's so real to me
Everything has come to life
Another chance to chase a dream
Another chance to feel
Chance to feel alive

(The Duke climbs into the ring, and goes to the far corner, and raises his arms above his head.)

Fear will kill me, all I could be
Lift these sorrows
Let me breathe, could you set me free
Could you set me free

(The Duke walks toward the time keeper?s area and asks for a mic.)

On this day I see clearly everything has come to life
A bitter place and a broken dream
And we'll leave it all behind

(The Duke Points the mic at Yuri, and Yuri returns the favor, as both men smile.)

On this day it's so real to me
Everything has come to life
Another chance to chase a dream
Another chance to feel
Chance to feel alive

Duke: Before this match begins, I want to thank the TKOW Training School, for the use of some of their Jobbers?Uh?I mean Students, and may the best man win, as I plan to. These guys didn?t have any intro music or videos so, I funded a special program, to give these ?students? their own intros, but don?t get used to them, because this will be the last time you hear and see them. Go for it, Yuri.

Cowboy...Cowboy

Yuri Testkov: The Wrestler selected as The Number Two entrant, for the Gauntlet, From Nashville Tennessee?T.A. Toby Atkins~!

(Toby hits the ramp and turns to look up at the Tron, it?s just more video of The Duke, killing people with steel chairs, this puts an angry look on his face. Toby walks down the ramp and tries to ignore the laughing coming from the crowd over the video playing.)

Well I'm packing up my game and I'm a head out west
Where real women come equipped with scripts and fake breasts
Find a nest in the hills chill like Flynt
Buy an old drop top find a spot to pimp
And I'm a Kid Rock it up and down your block
With a bottle of scotch and watch lots of crotch
Buy yacht with a flag sayin' chillin the most
Then rock that bitch up and down the coast
Give a toast to the sun, drink with the stars
Get thrown in the mix and tossed out of bars
Zip to Tijuana... I wanna roam
Find Motown and tell them fools to come back home
Start an escort service, for all the right reasons
And set up shop at the top of four seasons
Kid Rock and I'm the real mccoy
And I'm headin' out west sucker...because I wanna be a

Cowboy baby
With the top let back and the sunshine shining
Cowboy baby
West coast chillin with the Boone's Wine
I wanna be a Cowboy baby
Ridin at night cause I sleep all day
Cowboy baby
I can smell a pig from a mile away

(Toby Hits the ring, and walks by the Duke, looks over his shoulder at him and Climbs to the top turnbuckle, and flashes double victory signs)

Yeah...Kid Rock...you can call me Tex
Rollin sunset woman with a bottle of Becks
Seen a slimmy in a vette, rolled down my glass
And said, Yeah this dick fits right in your ass
No kiddin, gun slingin, spurs hittin the floor
Call me Hoss, I'm the Boss, with the sauce in the horse
No remorse for the sherrif, in his eye I ain't right
I'm gonna paint his town red, and paint his wife white HUH
Cause chaos, rock like Amadeus
Find West Coast pussy for my Detroit players
Mack like mayors, ball like Lakers
They told us to leave, but bet they can't make us
Why they wanna pick on me...lock me up and snort away my key
I ain't no G, I'm just a regular failure
I ain't straight outta Compton I'm straight out the trailer
Cuss like a sailor...drink like a Mick
My only words of wisdom are just, Radio Edit
I'm flickin my Bic up and down that coast and
Keep on truckin until it falls in the ocean

Cowboy
With the top let back and the sunshine shining
Cowboy
Spend all my time at Hollywood and Vine
Cowboy
Ridin at night cause I sleep all day
Cowboy
I can smell a pig from a mile away
Cowboy
With the top let back and the sunshine shining
Cowboy
With the top let back and the sunshine shining
Cowboy
Hollywood and Vine

Tito: I don?t know about you, but to me, this has a ?Big Match? feel.

Johnny: Are you kidding? This is going to easy work for The Duke, he has five people to beat, so I say this match should be over in about ten minutes.

Tito: These people he?s facing might not be on par with the best of TKOW, but they are professionals and to look past this match would be a huge mistake for The Duke.

Johnny: Since this is a night of contests, and fun, how about we bet on it.

Tito: Bet?

Johnny: Yeah, The winner gets the losers next pay check.

Tito: Ok, You?re on, I say that The Duke doesn?t win this match.

Johnny: I think with your money, I?ll buy a TV, and with your salary I?m sure I could get a nice 5 inch black and white.

Tito: We?ll see.

(The Ref motions for the bell)

Ding~Ding~!

Both men size each other up, then go for a collar and elbow tie up.

Tito: This without doubt is the biggest match in the career of Toby Atkins.

Johnny: No Doubt, and most likely this is as close as he?ll ever come to the big time.

Toby tries to shove Duke off, but Duke pulls him into a head lock, then floats around and applies a hammerlock. The Duke then drops to his knees and pulls out Toby?s legs, and jumps on Toby?s back, and locks on the STF.

Johnny: The Duke whipped out some chain wrestling.

Tito: STF, and The Duke is deadly with this move.

Johnny: Lets see what Toby Atkins has, this is his fifteen minutes of fame, how will he spend it?

Tito: He?s trying to lift himself out of this hold.

The Duke Moves his weight, and applies more pressure. Toby holds out his hands to reach for the ropes, but he just can?t reach them, and taps out.

The Bell Rings.

Johnny: Did I say fifteen minutes of fame, I meant fifteen seconds.

Tito: Toby Atkins just didn?t have what it took to handle The Duke.

Johnny: And Duke didn?t even break a sweat.

Tito: One down, four to go.

Alright partner...keep on rollin' baby
You know what time it is
(Throw yo hands up)

(Ladies and gentlemen)
Chocolate Starfish
Keep on rollin' baby

Yuri: Making his way to the ring, residing in Long Island New York?Merrick~!

(Merrick hits the ramp)

Move in now move out
Hands up now hands down
Back up back up
Tell me what you're gonna do now

Breath in now breath out
Hands up now hands down
Back up back up
Tell me what you're gonna do now

Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'

(Merrick runs down to the ringside area, says a few word to Toby Atkins, and plays to the crowd)

Now I know ya'll be lovin this shit right here
L.I.M.P Bizkit is right here
People in the house with them hands in the air
Cause if you don't care then we don't care
One two three time zoom to the 6
Jonesin for you picks of the Limp Bizkit mix
So where the fuck you at punk?
Shut the fuck up
And back the fuck up
Before we fuck this track up
(Throw yo hands up)

Move in now move out
Hands up now hands down
Back up back up
Tell me what you're gonna do now

(Merrick Rolls into the ring, and gets right up in The Duke?s face, as The Duke laughs at him.)

Breath in now breath out
Hands up now hands down
Back up back up
Tell me what you're gonna do now

Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'

Johnny: What do you know about Merrick?

Tito: He?s been wrestling for three years, and two of them have been in the TKOW family, as a student. He?s know for a mixture of high flying and a solid ground attack, and from what I?ve seen he?s got amazing stamina.

Johnny: In the sack?

Tito: In the ring, asshole.

The Bell Rings

Johnny: Squash number two!

Merrick avoids a tie up with Duke, and drops The Duke to one knee with a dropkick to the other knee.

Tito: There we go.

Merrick shoots himself off the far ropes and goes for a shining wizard, but The Duke ducks it and Merrick lands on his ass.

Johnny: Ha Ha!

Tito: Rookie mistake.

The Duke gets to his feet, and nails his own shining wizard on Merrick.

Tito: That was solid.

Johnny: Is he going for the pin?

The Duke picks up Merrick, and nails him with the Fifty-One/Fifty.

Tito: He is now.

One?

Two?

Three

The Bell rings again.

Johnny: God Damn!

Tito: I feel like maybe I?m losing my paycheck.

Johnny: Oh, totally, you made a bad bet.

(House of Pain?s Jump Around hits the Arena)

Yuri: Next, from Escondido California, weighing one hundred and fifty-one pounds, and standing five feet, two inches?Cable~!

Cable hits the ramp and starts jumping back and forth to the music, and waving his hands in the air like he just don?t care.

Pack it up, pack it in
Let me begin
I came to win
Battle me that's a sin
I won't tear the sack up
Punk you'd better back up
Try and play the role and the whole crew will act up
Get up, stand up, come on!
Come on, throw your hands up
If you've got the feeling jump across the ceiling
Muggs is a funk fest, someone's talking junk
Yo, I'll bust em in the eye
And then I'll take the punks home
Feel it, funk it
Amps it are junking
And I got more rhymes than there's cops that are dunking
Donuts shop
Sure 'nuff I got props from the kids on the Hill
Plus my mom and my pops

Cable jumps to the music and makes his way down to the ring, to surprising crowd support.

I came to get down
I came to get down
So get out your seats and jump around
Jump around
Jump around
Jump around
Jump up Jump up and get down.
Jump
Jump
Jump
Jump
Jump
Jump

Cable enters the ring and continues to jump around

I'll serve your ass like John MacEnroe
If your steps up, I'm smacking the ho
Word to your moms I came to drop bombs
I got more rhymes than the bible's got psalms
And just like the Prodigal Son I've returned
Anyone stepping to me you'll get burned
Cause I got lyrics and you ain't got none
So if you come to battle bring a shotgun
But if you do you're a fool, cause I duel to the death
Try and step to me you'll take your last breath
I gots the skill, come get your fill
Cause when I shoot ta give, I shoot to kill

As Cable continues to jump, The Duke nails him with a spear. The Music stops and the Bell rings.

Johnny: Cable, welcome to TKOW, enjoy your short stay.

Tito: The Duke is waiting for him to get up, why not go for the pin?

Johnny: Go ask him.

The Duke backs into a corner, as Cable gets up to his feet.

Johnny: It?s time for the kill.

The Duke measures Cable, and goes for another spear, but Cable leapfrogs The Duke, and somehow rolls him up in a sunset flip, for a pin.

One?

Two?

No~!

Johnny: Whoa, what the hell?

Tito: That was impressive.

The Duke gets up and lays the boots to Cable, who rolls out of the ring.

Tito: The Duke looks shocked.

Johnny: I?m shocked.

Cable climbs up on the apron, and Duke charges him, but Cable leapfrogs over him again, and pulls out a miracle schoolboy pin.

One?

Kickout~!

Tito: Cable seems to have Duke out of his zone.

Johnny: He seems to be puzzled, as I am at how Cable was able to do that twice.

The Duke goes for clothesline, but Cable ducks and wraps himself around Duke for a crucifix pin.

One?

Two?

Thr?

Kickout~!

The Duke rolls over and out of the ring.

Tito: Cable has totally got inside The Dukes head, I don?t think The Duke is ready for him, and the difference in speed is the major factor.

Johnny: Cable has lasted longer than his two partners combined.

The Duke rolls back in the ring, but is met with a baseball slide dropkick from Cable that knocks The Duke back outside.

Johnny: Holy crap!

The Duke charges the ring and starts to pound on Cable with clubbing blows.

Tito: The Duke has lost it.

Johnny: This is called, ?Plan B?, and it?s working.

The Duke pulls up Cable for the Fifty-One/Fifty, but as he goes for it, Cable escapes it and as The Duke turns around to see Cable, Cable nails him with a dropkick, which spins The Duke around and lands him on the second rope.

The Crowd Pops, and Cable goes for his finisher, the Seven Six Zero, Cable spins through and around the ropes, nailing The Duke in the face and sending him flying back, Cable jumps to the top rope for the hurricanrana, but as he lands on Duke?s shoulders, The Duke falls forward for the Powerbomb, and the pin.

One?

Two?

Three~!

The Bell Rings.

Tito: That was hard fought.

Johnny: Cable?s got skills, but he?s no Duke, and none of these guys are on his level.

Tito: That?s true, but never count out the underdog.

Johnny: You say Underdog, I say Victim.

I am, I am, I am
I said I wanna get next to you
I said I gonna get close to you
You wouldn?t want me have to hurt you too, hurt you too?

Yuri: Making his way to the ring, With the beautiful Jessica Angels, From Toronto Canada, Adam Guy~!

I ain?t, I ain?t, I ain?t
A buyin? into your apathy
I?m gonna learn ya my philosophy
You wanna know about atrocity, atrocity?

Adam and Jessica Hit the Ramp

I know you want what?s on my mind
I know you like what?s on my mind
I know it eats you up inside
I know, you know, you know, you know

I am a man, a man
I?ll give ya somethin? that ya won?t forget
I said ya shouldn?t have worn that dress
I said ya shouldn?t have worn that dress

Adam and Jessica make their way to the ring

I know you want what?s on my mind
I know you like what?s on my mind
I know it eats you up inside
I know, you know, you know, you know

Here I come, I come, I come

I am, I am, I am
I said I wanna get next to you
I said I gonna get close to you
You wouldn?t want me have to hurt you too, hurt you too?

I know you want what?s on my mind
I know you like what?s on my mind
I know it eats you up inside
I know, you know, you know, you know
I know you want what?s on my mind
I know you like what?s on my mind
I know it eats you up inside
I know, you know, you know, you know

After walking around the ring area and staring a hole in The Duke, Adam Guy Grabs a mic and rolls into the ring.

Here I come, I come, I come
Here I come, I come, I come
Here I come, I come, I come
Here I come, I come, I come
Here I come, I come, I come
Here I come, I come, I come
Here I come, I come, I come
Here I come, I come, I come
Here I come, I come, I come

Adam: Listen Duke, Just because you beat those other guys doesn?t mean you can beat me, I am the best student in the school, and I?m going to show you why, and when I win this match, I?m going to use my match at the next Pay Per View, to challenge for the TKOW Title, and I?m going to win that match too.

The Duke grabs Yuri?s mic.

Duke: Listen kid, that?s cute, I?m sure you?re a great student of Wrestling, but I am Wrestling, in this company, and in this country, so you can go ahead and make your bold predictions, and talk about your plans, but to me, you?re just another turd, the Duke has got to flush.

The Duke slams his mic into Adam?s face and Adam drops to the mat.

Johnny: Whoa!

The Bell Rings.

Tito: That?s a cheap shot, and it?s not needed.

Johnny: The Duke is here to win, not to be awarded with the Fair Play Award.

The Duke Drops a knee to Adam?s head, and follows up with a stiff kick to the side of Adam?s head, and a bitch slap to his face.

Tito: Is this needed?

Johnny: Adam Guy came out here running his mouth, and disrespecting The Duke, and now The Duke is giving him his receipt.

The Duke pulls up Adam, and shoots him into the ropes, Duke mocks him, but as he comes off the ropes, Adam nails Duke with a spear.

Tito: Spear! And he?s going for the cover!

One?

No~!

Johnny: A count of one, and The Duke will have no part of that.

Tito: Maybe Duke should pay attention to this guy.

The Duke gets to his feet, picks up Adam, and nails him with a solid European Uppercut. It dazes Adam, and The Duke nails him with a DDT. The Duke goes for the cover?

One?

No~!

Tito: Adam Guy kicks out at one.

Johnny: He?s got heart, but he can?t last long against The Duke.

The Duke Gets up and measures Adam for a shining wizard, as he goes for it, Adam ducks, and The Duke lands on his ass. Adam hops up and shoots himself off the ropes, as The Duke gets to his feet, he spins around only to be hit with another spear.

Johnny: Holy Shit!

Tito: The Cover!



One?

Two?

No~!



Tito: The Duke kicks out again.

Johnny: Adam Guy is giving The Duke his best, and The Duke is taking it with hardly a problem.

Tito: How long can that last?

Johnny: As long as The Duke wants it to last.

The Duke is trying to shake off the effects of that spear, Adam rolls out of the ring to talk with Jessica, then He looks at The Duke, climbs back in the ring and rushes The Duke, but The Duke nails him with a Drop Toe Hold. The Duke floats over and locks on the STF.

Johnny: This is it!

Tito: Can Adam Guy survive this?

Adam screams in pain and tries to escape the hold, but The Duke has it locked in solid. Adam looks as if he?s about to tap, but somehow rolls himself and The Duke over, and closer to the ropes, but he can?t escape the hold. Jessica climbs onto the apron, and gets the ref?s attention, The Ref goes over to her, and tells her to get off the apron, as that happens Adam Taps, and The Duke releases the hold thinking he?s won the fall.

Johnny: He tapped!

Tito: The Ref didn?t see it, It didn?t count!

Jessica gets off the apron, and The Duke realizes that the match is still going, and rushes Adam, trying to lock the STF back on, but Adam rolls out of the ring.

Johnny: This is cheap.

Tito: It?s smart, if you ask me.

Johnny: I didn?t.

Adam rolls back in the ring, and The Duke lets him get to his feet. They tie up in a Collar and Elbow, and The Duke shoves Adam to the mat, and Slaps in the face again. Adam jumps up and slaps The Duke in the face. The Duke kicks Adam in the gut, and nails Adam with the Fifty-One/Fifty.

Johnny: It?s Over!

Tito: He?s not going for the cover!

The Duke shoots himself off the far ropes, but Jessica trips him up, and he turns around to confront her, Adam gets up, and measures The Duke.

Tito: Turn Around!

Johnny: No!


As The Duke turns around he is met with a third spear from Adam. Adam Guy goes for the cover.



One?

Two?


Three~!!!!!!!!!!!



Tito: He did it!!!!

Johnny: I don?t believe it!

Tito: The Duke has been eliminated!

Johnny: No Fucking Way!

The Duke gets to his feet, and tries to rush Adam Guy, but Adam rolls out of the ring. About eight security guards run down to the ring, and T.H. Power appears on the ramp.

Power: Get him out of here, his night is over!

The Guards jump onto The Duke, but the Duke tries to shove them off. The Duke can?t do it, and they handcuff The Duke.

Power: Use two pair!

Johnny: What the hell is this?

Tito: The match has to continue, and Power wants it to be clean.

The Duke is being led away from the ring side area, screaming at the top of his lungs.

Duke: Let me go! I?m going to fucking sue you for everything you own!

Power: Take him away!

Duke: I?m going to own your life! Your Home, your car, your fucking wife! I?m going to own this promotion!

Power: Gag Him!

Johnny: What!?

A guard pulls a ball gag out of his pocket and puts it on The Duke.

Tito: This is excessive.

The guards pull The Duke out of sight.

Power: Now lets finish this.

Adam is jumping up and down and going insane with happiness.

Power: I know you?re happy, Guy, but your plan is about to get changed.

Adam looks puzzled.

Power: I know you had Nick, your trainer, put your brother Chris as the last wrestler in this match, and there is no way that you could lose this, if I let that happen. As much as I hate The Duke, I will not screw him out of his contract, I hate to say this, but we need him on the roster. So you will get your match, but you will have to earn the win.

Adam looks pissed.

Power: Yuri, do your job.

Power leaves the ramp and head to the back.

Yuri: And now, the final wrestler in the gauntlet?

Tito: Who could it be?

Johnny: Jobber #5?

Tito: Well, Jobber #4 just shocked the world, so why don?t you show them some respect?

Johnny: Why don?t you eat my sack lunch, bitchboy.

(Fleetwood Mac?s The Chain hits the arena)

Yuri: From Charlotte, North Carolina? Jessie Johnson~!

(The Crowd Pops)

Johnny: Who?

Tito: If you followed the Internet news, you?d know that Adam Took Jessie?s Girlfriend, Jessica, away while he was vacation.

Johnny: Who cares?

Tito: I would say Jessie cares.

Jessie runs down the ramp and slides in the ring, and grabs Yuri?s mic.

Jessie: Adam! You piece of crap, you took Jessica away from me! Now I?m going to take your contract away from you, you bastard! I don?t even want the ten thousand dollars, I?ll kick your ass for Free!

Jessie jumps on Adam, knocking him down and Jessie starts to pound on him with clubbing blows, as the bell rings.

Tito: For these two wrestlers, this could be the biggest match of their young careers.

Johnny: No Doubt, especially for Adam Guy.

Jessie picks up Adam, and shoots him off the ropes and drops his head, Adam runs towards Jessie and jumps over him into an Adam Bomb.

Crowd: Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Holy Shit!

Johnny: That?s got to be it!

Tito: The Cover!


One?

Two?

Three?




No~!


Tito: Was that a Three!?

Johnny: No!

Adam gets up and backs off Jessie.

Johnny: I smell a Spear!

Jessie gets up and turns towards Adam, who nails a spear.


One?

Two?

Three?


No~!



Adam can?t believe it, and he runs to the far corner as Jessie gets up, and runs to hit another spear.

Johnny: Spear!

Jessie takes the full brunt of the spear but somehow gets Adam in a front face lock as they hit the mat.

Tito: He?s going for the tap out!

Johnny: He?s got it locked in and Jessie is applying pressure to the neck and throat of Adam Guy!

Adam tries to reach the ropes, but he can?t reach them.

Tito: His face is turning blue!

Johnny: I think he?s going to tap!

Tito: He may be out!

Johnny: The Ref is going to check.

The Ref raises up Adam?s left arm, and lets it drop.



One!

Again?

Two!

Finally?

Three!!!!!!!



The Bell Rings.


Johnny: Jessie has saved The Duke?s Contract!

Tito: He may have saved his life.

Yuri: The winner of the Gauntlet? Jessie Johnson~!

Tito: Adam Guy shocked the world, and pinned The Duke, but just couldn?t hold on, and loses his chance at a TKOW contract.

Johnny: The Duke will go onto the next Pay Per View, with his open contract, and this night behind him, Adam Guy has to go back to school and into obscurity.

[TKOW Board]

Please feel free to download http://hpwa.keithmee...n8ofhazzard.mov and view the real trailer, trying to substitute in our heroes. Please do not stream this file.

The KhaosTron lights up into an all too familiar green, the green of a movie preview?

THE FOLLOWING PREVIEW HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR
ALL SECTION 8 FANS
BY THE HIGHER POWER WRESTLING ASSOCIATION

?Lacrimosa? begins to play as the screen turns to orange. Block letter graphics appear of the number ?05?.

Announcer: The countdown has begun

04

Announcer: to the movie event of the summer

03

Announcer: and it can only be

02

Announcer: described

01

Announcer: with one word?

The orange fade to a shot of the General Lee in mid flight?

YEEEEEEEEEEE (YEEEEEEEEE) HAAAAAAAA (HAAAAA)

The General Lee lands as ?Black Betty? by Spiderbait kicks on. Matt Griffen and Phoenix shake as the car lands.

Matt: WOOOOOOO~!!

Phoenix: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA~!!

The Section 8 logo appears as Black Betty gets louder. The trailer continues, showing Matt and Phoenix putting the General Lee through it?s paces.

The General Lee pulls up to a cop car.

Matt: Y?all think you can catch me now?

Phoenix drops two pair of handcuffs out the window, jangles some keys, and makes the sarcastic ?uh oh we did it now? face before the Lee speeds off. Aello and Lady Hawke can be seen in the backseat.

T.H. Power: Find the Birds.

Phoenix blows up a shed with a flaming arrow.

Heather DeLong: Ya better be reading my nametag friend.

Jason Luna: I noticed your initials were ah, double d.

Heather kicks him out of the chair and steps on his neck.

Heather: How bout the special, sir.

The music switches to the oldschool Dukes of Hazzard music as more General Lee escape shots are shown.

Mike Oates: Come out with your hands up!

Phoenix: ]I never get tired of hearin him say that.

Phoenix is shown being tossed into a bar wall.

Phoenix as Luke Duke

Phoenix: I?m Mr Ichinawa and this is my colleague Yoko Takanoshi.

Fredy Ramirez: Konichiwa.

Matt: Right on.

Fredy: Are you Japanese?

Matt: We converted.

Matt Griffen as Bo Duke

Matt and Phoenix open a door to a room filled with girls, including Aello and Lady Hawke.

Matt: What is this place?

Aello: You guys go to school here?

Phoenix: No but do you have an application?

Aello: This is my roommate from Australia.

Matt: Let?s put another shrimp on the barby!

Matt: That?s what they say there.

Phoenix: Ok.

Heather walks towards the camera in a bikini.

Heather DeLong as Daisy Duke

Kid Styles: Oh boy. I?m gonna get fired.

Heather: Where?s Boss Hogg.

Kid Styles: At yer farm.

Heather: Thank you Enos.

Kid looks at the camera and just grins.

T.H. Power as Boss Hogg

James Luna: What you some type of pimp?

T.H. Power: I have a hundred dollars for whoever knocks him out.

CRACK

Jason Luna: Don?tcha know you?re not supposed to wear white after Labor Day?

And Cliff Hawke as Uncle Jesse

Cliff: I think you got some of the finest muffins around.

Miranda: Jesse, I might just have to warm some up for ya.

Heather: Ugh well could ya just wait till I leave.

Announcer: The Dukes of Hazzard.

The familiar airhorn plays.

Mike: What seems to be the problem sugar?

Heather: I think something bounced up into my undercarriage!

The trailer fades as T.H. Power is shown on the stage.

T.H. Power: Next Mass Khaos is coming people! You will see Cody and Phoenix be presented with their respected new titles. You will see Cody defend his TV title for the first time against Bob Lancelot! You will see the ladies of the Birds of Prey face off against Outer Force! You will hear Duke?s choice of opponent for New Era! You will see the true return of Tobias Burden, as he takes on Jeff Jefferson! All that, and more! Good fight, good night!