"Got Wood?" Invitational
Known Entrants List
T.H. Power
Kid Styles
Johnny Styles
Spanky McPipebomb
Adrian Tanner
Brandon Young
Kaycee Tanner
Cypher
Dark Schnitzel
Crim
Nick Collyer
Jack Sullivan
Ring 1 List
Kid Styles
Spanky McPipebomb
Adrian Tanner
Cypher
Dark Schnitzel
Jack Sullivan
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6 replies to this topic
#1
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- Fed Staff
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- 936 posts
- Local time: 12:56 AM
That's How We Roll
Posted 27 February 2007 - 12:24 AM
#2
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- City Dwellers
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- 56 posts
- Local time: 12:56 AM
Irish Bastard
- Gender:Male
- Location:Somewhere in the swamps of Jersey...
Posted 02 March 2007 - 10:48 AM
So, this is where the TKOW folks get thier frustrations out... between these four corners. Well, TKOW, prepare to receive even more frustration. You see boys and girls, there's new blood pumpin' through this organization... it it runs pure Irish green! Consider me a transfusion, a transfusion of much needed fresh blood to this place. You see folks, when you keep intermingling within the same small variety of people, you run the risk of going stale... or making cousins with 11 fingers if you're from Kentucky, but I digress.
I am here to help spark some new life to this ailing body of a fed. Unfortunately for you, new blood is not always healthy. Sometimes, if the blood is of a type that is not compatible, the body can get sick, or even die. Now, I don't see this body dying, but what I do see is major change coming. I see, before very long, a win in my future. I foresee the cracking of tables, and the flowing of blood as I climb my ladder to greatness in TKOW.
So, prepare to be amazed, to be invigorated, to be...decimated! The Irish Bastard is here, and woe to all who try and stand in his way.
Fade. To. Black.
I am here to help spark some new life to this ailing body of a fed. Unfortunately for you, new blood is not always healthy. Sometimes, if the blood is of a type that is not compatible, the body can get sick, or even die. Now, I don't see this body dying, but what I do see is major change coming. I see, before very long, a win in my future. I foresee the cracking of tables, and the flowing of blood as I climb my ladder to greatness in TKOW.
So, prepare to be amazed, to be invigorated, to be...decimated! The Irish Bastard is here, and woe to all who try and stand in his way.
Fade. To. Black.
#3
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- !Disabled!
- 1 posts
- Local time: 08:56 PM
Tourist
Posted 03 March 2007 - 07:44 AM
[Scene fade in to a beach somewhere in the Pacific, the sun is setting, and the camera is focused on a foot imprint in the sand. Soon that imprint is occupied by a man's foot. A voice is heard. It belongs to the newest member of TKOW, Jack Sullivan.]
Jack Sullivan: In the near future, there will be a presence felt in TKOW. It will echo through the entire arena, the carnage felt in the hearts of each fan watching from their seats, whether in that arena, or sitting at home watching... Got Wood Invitational. The sounds of tables be broken in half, the sounds of men groaning in pain, the sounds of ungodly crackling of the bones as they meet wood.
Only insane men would participate in such an atrocity. Well, luckily, there's one such a man. I come from a place where men weren't simply thrown through a table. The tables would EXPLODE. Men landed on broken glass and thumbtacks. Thrown through plate glass. Tables? That's a pillow to me. That's just one of the advantages I have heading in the match, along with unfamiliarity. Nobody in this match will know what I am capable of. Not until my music hit, not until I walk out, not until I step in that ring, not until my first punch is thrown. At that point, it's going to be all downhill for the others. Got Wood? Wood... is the first step for me. The first shot fired in the war.
[Jack Sullivan laughs.]
A journey begins with this invitational. The ultimate destination, lays with the championship. I will not stop at anything to get that belt slung over my shoulder. The other participants are going to find out firsthand, just how much I want it. After this is finished, after I stand in the middle of the ring, my hand raised, as each man is carted out on a stretcher, each man will hear one final question that will haunt them for the rest of their lives.
"Got Wood?"
[Scene fade out to Jack's intense stare.]
Jack Sullivan: In the near future, there will be a presence felt in TKOW. It will echo through the entire arena, the carnage felt in the hearts of each fan watching from their seats, whether in that arena, or sitting at home watching... Got Wood Invitational. The sounds of tables be broken in half, the sounds of men groaning in pain, the sounds of ungodly crackling of the bones as they meet wood.
Only insane men would participate in such an atrocity. Well, luckily, there's one such a man. I come from a place where men weren't simply thrown through a table. The tables would EXPLODE. Men landed on broken glass and thumbtacks. Thrown through plate glass. Tables? That's a pillow to me. That's just one of the advantages I have heading in the match, along with unfamiliarity. Nobody in this match will know what I am capable of. Not until my music hit, not until I walk out, not until I step in that ring, not until my first punch is thrown. At that point, it's going to be all downhill for the others. Got Wood? Wood... is the first step for me. The first shot fired in the war.
[Jack Sullivan laughs.]
A journey begins with this invitational. The ultimate destination, lays with the championship. I will not stop at anything to get that belt slung over my shoulder. The other participants are going to find out firsthand, just how much I want it. After this is finished, after I stand in the middle of the ring, my hand raised, as each man is carted out on a stretcher, each man will hear one final question that will haunt them for the rest of their lives.
"Got Wood?"
[Scene fade out to Jack's intense stare.]
#4
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- City Dwellers
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- 423 posts
- Local time: 11:56 PM
The Arizona Assassin
Posted 03 March 2007 - 04:48 PM
[The scene opens up on a large grassy field, surrounded on all sides by a forest of trees reaching as far as the eye can see. There is a large house on one side of the field, meaning that we can assume this field is actually someone’s backyard. And one the far right side of this backyard field, sits The “Demon Fox” Brandon Young, doing sit-ups, dressed in a pair of black pants and a green t-shirt.]
Brandon Young: “98…99…”
“…99…”
[Brandon takes a deep breath, and tries one more time, before falling back on his back.]
Brandon: ”Grr…”
[Brandon quickly pulls himself up and turns over onto his knees.]
Brandon: “If I cannot do five thousand sit-ups then I shall do fifty five hundred one-handed pushups!”
“1…2…”
Voice off-screen: “What the hell is he doing?”
[The camera switches to the other side of the yard, where we find the brother and sister duo of Adrian and Kaycee Tanner, the other 2/3’s of Team 7, watching their teammate across the way. Adrian’s sporting the usual, black jeans and black “Revolver” T-shirt. Kaycee has on a pair of black pants and a red tank top.]
Kaycee: “I…don’t…know. He’s been at this for an hour now.”
Brandon: “Bah! If I can’t do 5500 One-armed pushups, then I’ll do 6000 one-legged cherry pickers!”
Adrian: “…I think the heat’s fried his brain.”
Kaycee: “I’ll…go talk to him.”
Adrian: “Right. I’ll…go somewhere else.”
[Kaycee heads over near Brandon, as Adrian turns and heads inside the large house. He stops to pick up a bottle of fierce grape Gatorade from a nearby table, taking a quick drink.]
Adrian: “TeeKayOhDoubleU. It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? I know, I told ya last time that I wouldn’t be back.”
[He takes another quick drink.]
Adrian: “Sue me, I lied. Well, I guess ‘lied’ isn’t the right word. I honestly hadn’t planned on returning here after Megabowl. It’s not that I don’t like it here, I just…had other things that took my time.”
“Main-eventing in three different feds does that to a guy’s time.”
[There’s the smirk.]
[You hate that smirk.]
[He loves it.]
Adrian: “But alas, after the closure of swat, and things that I don’t really wanna go into in the IGA, I decided it was time to take a step back, relax for a bit and rejuvenate myself. I’ve been goin’ nonstop since I was eighteen years old, and the last year plus…well…it’s sucked. Kinda like HVW.”
“Okay, maybe not THAT bad.”
[More smirking.]
Adrian: “Wrestling wise, it was awesome. Personal-life wise…not so much. I had to watch my best friend get his brains bashed in weekly by an egomaniac fucktard, watch my sister get kidnapped by the same jackass, got fired, watched Sly Fondell almost murder my older brother….Yeah, not good times.”
“But y’know what? S’okay. ‘Cause this year’s a whole new ballgame. The Arizona Assassin’s comin’ back to TKODub, for good. But this time, I’m not comin’ alone!
Adrian: “That’s right, we’re getting the band back together. This time, I’m bringing my older sister and my best friend, Kaycee Tanner and Brandon Young. And together, the trio of awesomeness collectively known as ‘Team 7,’ is going to do what we’ve always set out to do; make our mark in this business, together as a focused, ass-kicking unit.”
[Adrian takes another drink from his Gatorade bottle.]
Adrian: “The first stop on our TKOW reunion tour, Holiday Hell, and the ‘Got Wood’ Invitational. Heh, that Power and his ‘whacky’ gimmick matches. I’d like to say there’s a lot of good talent who’ll make TKOW shine like it should in this match.”
“I’d like to….”
Adrian: “But c’mon, who are we kidding, right? Johnny Styles, Dork Pretzel and Amy Whatserface aren’t ‘top notch’ talent. I’m not even sure I could call either of them ‘talent.’ In fact, I think using the word ‘talent’ in any way, shape, or form when referring to the two of them kinda demeans the value of the word.”
“Let’s not beat around the bush here kiddos. This thing’s got one of two winners.”
Adrian: “Myself…and Nick Collyer. The rest of you are just people standing in our way. And we know what happens to people who get in my way.”
[To emphasize his point, Adrian points down at his t-shirt.]
Adrian: “Nick, I’ll see you in the finals. But you’re still goin’ down, just like the rest.”
“Daddy’s home, motherbitches. Time to die.”
[Fade.]
Brandon Young: “98…99…”
“…99…”
[Brandon takes a deep breath, and tries one more time, before falling back on his back.]
Brandon: ”Grr…”
[Brandon quickly pulls himself up and turns over onto his knees.]
Brandon: “If I cannot do five thousand sit-ups then I shall do fifty five hundred one-handed pushups!”
“1…2…”
Voice off-screen: “What the hell is he doing?”
[The camera switches to the other side of the yard, where we find the brother and sister duo of Adrian and Kaycee Tanner, the other 2/3’s of Team 7, watching their teammate across the way. Adrian’s sporting the usual, black jeans and black “Revolver” T-shirt. Kaycee has on a pair of black pants and a red tank top.]
Kaycee: “I…don’t…know. He’s been at this for an hour now.”
Brandon: “Bah! If I can’t do 5500 One-armed pushups, then I’ll do 6000 one-legged cherry pickers!”
Adrian: “…I think the heat’s fried his brain.”
Kaycee: “I’ll…go talk to him.”
Adrian: “Right. I’ll…go somewhere else.”
[Kaycee heads over near Brandon, as Adrian turns and heads inside the large house. He stops to pick up a bottle of fierce grape Gatorade from a nearby table, taking a quick drink.]
Adrian: “TeeKayOhDoubleU. It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? I know, I told ya last time that I wouldn’t be back.”
[He takes another quick drink.]
Adrian: “Sue me, I lied. Well, I guess ‘lied’ isn’t the right word. I honestly hadn’t planned on returning here after Megabowl. It’s not that I don’t like it here, I just…had other things that took my time.”
“Main-eventing in three different feds does that to a guy’s time.”
[There’s the smirk.]
[You hate that smirk.]
[He loves it.]
Adrian: “But alas, after the closure of swat, and things that I don’t really wanna go into in the IGA, I decided it was time to take a step back, relax for a bit and rejuvenate myself. I’ve been goin’ nonstop since I was eighteen years old, and the last year plus…well…it’s sucked. Kinda like HVW.”
“Okay, maybe not THAT bad.”
[More smirking.]
Adrian: “Wrestling wise, it was awesome. Personal-life wise…not so much. I had to watch my best friend get his brains bashed in weekly by an egomaniac fucktard, watch my sister get kidnapped by the same jackass, got fired, watched Sly Fondell almost murder my older brother….Yeah, not good times.”
“But y’know what? S’okay. ‘Cause this year’s a whole new ballgame. The Arizona Assassin’s comin’ back to TKODub, for good. But this time, I’m not comin’ alone!
Adrian: “That’s right, we’re getting the band back together. This time, I’m bringing my older sister and my best friend, Kaycee Tanner and Brandon Young. And together, the trio of awesomeness collectively known as ‘Team 7,’ is going to do what we’ve always set out to do; make our mark in this business, together as a focused, ass-kicking unit.”
[Adrian takes another drink from his Gatorade bottle.]
Adrian: “The first stop on our TKOW reunion tour, Holiday Hell, and the ‘Got Wood’ Invitational. Heh, that Power and his ‘whacky’ gimmick matches. I’d like to say there’s a lot of good talent who’ll make TKOW shine like it should in this match.”
“I’d like to….”
Adrian: “But c’mon, who are we kidding, right? Johnny Styles, Dork Pretzel and Amy Whatserface aren’t ‘top notch’ talent. I’m not even sure I could call either of them ‘talent.’ In fact, I think using the word ‘talent’ in any way, shape, or form when referring to the two of them kinda demeans the value of the word.”
“Let’s not beat around the bush here kiddos. This thing’s got one of two winners.”
Adrian: “Myself…and Nick Collyer. The rest of you are just people standing in our way. And we know what happens to people who get in my way.”
[To emphasize his point, Adrian points down at his t-shirt.]
Adrian: “Nick, I’ll see you in the finals. But you’re still goin’ down, just like the rest.”
“Daddy’s home, motherbitches. Time to die.”
[Fade.]
#5
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- City Dwellers
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- 48 posts
- Local time: 11:56 PM
Vacationer
Posted 03 March 2007 - 11:32 PM
In the corner of the room lies Cypher, lying down in a sofa, looking rather distressed (or at the least pretending to be). Apophis is sitting beside him with a paper and pencil, still looking rather huge in frame despite getting a metal-bolted chair to sit on. He's wearing glasses and a gray wig rocking back and forth a bit as if the chair was a rocking chair. Cypher begins to speak.
Cypher: Doctor, I'm so fucked. I... I feel empty.
Apophis: What's wrong there? How do you feel empty?
Cypher: I... I didn't get enough in the last TKOW match. Not enough pain, gore, and destruction. It really left a hole in my heart. I just wished that I knew what to do doctor... it's like... like eating up inside of me and... grrr...
Cypher starts to pretend to do a Hogan pump up.
Cypher: It just makes me want to...
Shion: Hug!
Shion interrupts Cypher and jumps on top of him, landing on him and giving him a hug. Cypher sees Shion there and tries to get her out of the way, but Shion still keeps hugging him.
Cypher: Gah! Shion! Apophis is trying to calm my nerves down right now, would you mind?
Shion: Sorry, but I don't see why you need your nerves calmed. You've been fine all week.
Cypher: Not really. I'm just getting pissed over the fact that I haven't had anything fun to play with in TKOW yet.
Apophis: Well... that's not the only thing.
Cypher: Oh yeah, and Holiday Hell is coming up... and it's March...
Shion: But March is a perfect time for the holidays! There's plenty of holidays in March!
Cypher: Really?
Apophis: Hmm...
Apophis thinks to himself as he takes off his gray wig and glasses.
Apophis: Well, there's Saint Patricks' Day. The Ides of March...
Cypher: The Ides of March?
Apophis: Yeah, March 15th. The day HVW Shockwave jumped the shark.
Cypher: Hah!
Apophis: Besides, you have to rest up, you got that Wood Invitational thing coming up.
Shion: It's Got Wood?
John: *from far off* I got wood!
The three turn around and see Communist John appearing from out of the hallway, with a board stuck to his cucumber-penis, with only a single hole, where his penis has stuck on.
John: I got wood! Heehee!
Shion: What kind of wood is that? Oak? Cedar?
Apophis: Penine.
John: Heehee! Me so horny!
John lets out a massive fart, to which the other three prepare themselves by plugging their noses.
Apophis: Next time, tell us like, a little more in advance, so that we can prepare... I almost smelled the stench of my victims in there.
Cypher: Dude... you aren't really Apophis.
Apophis: Shut up.
Shion: Who exactly is in the Invitational?
Cypher: Well, might as well go down the list. Let me see...
Cypher starts to count with his fingers.
Cypher: Nick Collyer, no one cares. You got Crim, one half of Outer Force.
Apophis: The new guys from UHWF?
Cypher: Sadly, yeah.
John: Heehee! Freshmen make me horny!
Apophis takes the piece of wood from out of John's cucumber and whacks it over his head. The wood breaks in half and John falls to the floor as Apophis drops one of the pieces. John drools and convulses, making weird sounds as Cypher continues.
Cypher: Dark Schnitzel, which is, surprisingly, the name of Communist John's cucumber-penis.
Shion: I thought that was the Big Green?
Apophis lets out a slight chuckle.
Cypher: Do the rest of them really matter? You got the Styles' and the Tanners, both families of whom have little to no chance of winning, hell, one of them's a damn commentator for crying out loud!
Apophis: Yeah, as a matter of fact, you really only have one person you're really worried about huh?
Cypher: Worried? Who would I be worried about?
Apophis: T.H. Potter? I mean Power?
Cypher: Oh right...
John starts to make noises while gargling his own saliva.
Cypher: Do I really need to care about who the fuck T.H. Power is? I mean seriously, what good has he really done in TKOW? He promised he would take down the Church, yet he's not in the Prince of Hell, he's stuck here with the rest of us. I personally would like the Bayou Street Mafia to get a shot at the church just so we can show them what REAL Pain and Suffering is.
Apophis: Hell, I invented it!
Cypher: Damn right. But it looks like we'll have to settle with the other match for this. And in my case, for Power, and the rest of the fools here, it's gonna be Christmas in March, for me. Santa's coming in with his reindeer, and leaving them all for me like nice little presents to destroy. It'll be like watching a bunch of Frosty the Snowmen melt away.
John: The power of global warming!
Cypher: Shut up!
Cypher takes a piece of wood and throws it at John, accurately hitting his head.
John: Ow!
Shion: You'll win that invitational! I mean, you haven't lost a Battle Royal yet, why not now?
Cypher: Hah, you're right. 3-0 in Battle Royals, that means something. I'm putting the rest of the TKOW Roster on notice, the leader of the Bayou Street Mafia is comin' in with baseball bats, tables, and wood of all kind. Oak, Cedar, Penine, whatever, you come to play, and you're coming to get whacked by yours truly. My time to raise hell here is now. We're going to bring the Hated to Most Hated in TKOW, and it starts with Holiday Hell...
Boys, watch out. The man is comin'. Be warned.
Cypher stands up from the sofa and walks toward the front door.
Cypher: C'mon guys. Let's go terrorize a few girl scouts.
Apophis: Sounds good.
John gets up suddenly and Shion follows him, keeping her distance.
John: Heehee! Me so horny!
The four walk toward the front door as the camera fades to black.
Cypher: Doctor, I'm so fucked. I... I feel empty.
Apophis: What's wrong there? How do you feel empty?
Cypher: I... I didn't get enough in the last TKOW match. Not enough pain, gore, and destruction. It really left a hole in my heart. I just wished that I knew what to do doctor... it's like... like eating up inside of me and... grrr...
Cypher starts to pretend to do a Hogan pump up.
Cypher: It just makes me want to...
Shion: Hug!
Shion interrupts Cypher and jumps on top of him, landing on him and giving him a hug. Cypher sees Shion there and tries to get her out of the way, but Shion still keeps hugging him.
Cypher: Gah! Shion! Apophis is trying to calm my nerves down right now, would you mind?
Shion: Sorry, but I don't see why you need your nerves calmed. You've been fine all week.
Cypher: Not really. I'm just getting pissed over the fact that I haven't had anything fun to play with in TKOW yet.
Apophis: Well... that's not the only thing.
Cypher: Oh yeah, and Holiday Hell is coming up... and it's March...
Shion: But March is a perfect time for the holidays! There's plenty of holidays in March!
Cypher: Really?
Apophis: Hmm...
Apophis thinks to himself as he takes off his gray wig and glasses.
Apophis: Well, there's Saint Patricks' Day. The Ides of March...
Cypher: The Ides of March?
Apophis: Yeah, March 15th. The day HVW Shockwave jumped the shark.
Cypher: Hah!
Apophis: Besides, you have to rest up, you got that Wood Invitational thing coming up.
Shion: It's Got Wood?
John: *from far off* I got wood!
The three turn around and see Communist John appearing from out of the hallway, with a board stuck to his cucumber-penis, with only a single hole, where his penis has stuck on.
John: I got wood! Heehee!
Shion: What kind of wood is that? Oak? Cedar?
Apophis: Penine.
John: Heehee! Me so horny!
John lets out a massive fart, to which the other three prepare themselves by plugging their noses.
Apophis: Next time, tell us like, a little more in advance, so that we can prepare... I almost smelled the stench of my victims in there.
Cypher: Dude... you aren't really Apophis.
Apophis: Shut up.
Shion: Who exactly is in the Invitational?
Cypher: Well, might as well go down the list. Let me see...
Cypher starts to count with his fingers.
Cypher: Nick Collyer, no one cares. You got Crim, one half of Outer Force.
Apophis: The new guys from UHWF?
Cypher: Sadly, yeah.
John: Heehee! Freshmen make me horny!
Apophis takes the piece of wood from out of John's cucumber and whacks it over his head. The wood breaks in half and John falls to the floor as Apophis drops one of the pieces. John drools and convulses, making weird sounds as Cypher continues.
Cypher: Dark Schnitzel, which is, surprisingly, the name of Communist John's cucumber-penis.
Shion: I thought that was the Big Green?
Apophis lets out a slight chuckle.
Cypher: Do the rest of them really matter? You got the Styles' and the Tanners, both families of whom have little to no chance of winning, hell, one of them's a damn commentator for crying out loud!
Apophis: Yeah, as a matter of fact, you really only have one person you're really worried about huh?
Cypher: Worried? Who would I be worried about?
Apophis: T.H. Potter? I mean Power?
Cypher: Oh right...
John starts to make noises while gargling his own saliva.
Cypher: Do I really need to care about who the fuck T.H. Power is? I mean seriously, what good has he really done in TKOW? He promised he would take down the Church, yet he's not in the Prince of Hell, he's stuck here with the rest of us. I personally would like the Bayou Street Mafia to get a shot at the church just so we can show them what REAL Pain and Suffering is.
Apophis: Hell, I invented it!
Cypher: Damn right. But it looks like we'll have to settle with the other match for this. And in my case, for Power, and the rest of the fools here, it's gonna be Christmas in March, for me. Santa's coming in with his reindeer, and leaving them all for me like nice little presents to destroy. It'll be like watching a bunch of Frosty the Snowmen melt away.
John: The power of global warming!
Cypher: Shut up!
Cypher takes a piece of wood and throws it at John, accurately hitting his head.
John: Ow!
Shion: You'll win that invitational! I mean, you haven't lost a Battle Royal yet, why not now?
Cypher: Hah, you're right. 3-0 in Battle Royals, that means something. I'm putting the rest of the TKOW Roster on notice, the leader of the Bayou Street Mafia is comin' in with baseball bats, tables, and wood of all kind. Oak, Cedar, Penine, whatever, you come to play, and you're coming to get whacked by yours truly. My time to raise hell here is now. We're going to bring the Hated to Most Hated in TKOW, and it starts with Holiday Hell...
Boys, watch out. The man is comin'. Be warned.
Cypher stands up from the sofa and walks toward the front door.
Cypher: C'mon guys. Let's go terrorize a few girl scouts.
Apophis: Sounds good.
John gets up suddenly and Shion follows him, keeping her distance.
John: Heehee! Me so horny!
The four walk toward the front door as the camera fades to black.
#6
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- City Dwellers
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- 48 posts
- Local time: 11:56 PM
Vacationer
Posted 06 March 2007 - 12:48 AM
The scene fades in to someone driving an SUV with what seems to be a huge puff of smoking powering itself out of it. The smoke even continues as the person slows down and comes up the driveway, with Cypher, Apophis, and Shion watching. The man comes out and can barely get out of the SUV, the man being Communist John. Shion has to plug her nose and wave her hand.
John: I bought a new SUV!
Cypher: We can see that, dum-dum.
John: Yup, very fuel efficient. 12 gpm!
Apophis: You mean... mpg... right?
John: No! GPM! Gallons per mile! Heehee!
Shion: Oh, man... I can smell it. That's not fuel efficient at all!
Cypher: Yeah, I thought you were a Communist.
John: I am?
John then looks under his pants.
John: I dunno. I just put that on there for fun. Heehee! Because me so horny! I want to rape the earth!
John scratches his rear end and goes back inside the house. Cypher takes a look around the SUV and looks under the hood.
Cypher: Jesus Christ... this SUV is a mess. Can't go two miles before you have to get to a gas station.
Apophis: Well, there goes his paycheck.
Cypher: Paycheck? Power pays the guy in peanuts. Another reason why I wish I was in the same ring with him.
Apophis: Well, you got five others now you have to deal with before you go to him.
Shion: Yeah!
Cypher: Well, there won't be enough trees in the planet by the time I'm done with him. TKOW better be ready to chop down the Amazon till there's nothing left, because I'm not stopping until the invitational is mine.
Cypher goes into the garage and takes out a toolbox and a CD player. He puts on a CD player and sets it to some soothing soft rock while he starts fixing the SUV.
Cypher: In the meantime, I'll try to fix Jack Sullivan here.
Shion: Now you're naming your SUV?
Cypher: No, I just call it that because it's like Jack Sullivan. All bark but spewing gas on the driveway on ignition. I can't believe that guy actually said that he's going to start his journey against a bunch of guys in something like this. Experienced people only should've been on the entryway into this tournament. Fuckin' losers.
Apophis: Well, can't blame him. I mean he's no Big Green.
Cypher: Stupid Schnitzel... Big Green can kiss my ass. No wait... forget that. We're too close to Massachusetts for Holiday Hell for it not to look strange in any shape or manner.
Now Apophis, Shion, what did you do with my wrench?
John comes back out of the house handing Cypher a wrench, drenched in fecal matter.
Cypher: Oh... shit...
Apophis: Literally.
Cypher: Yeah... nevermind John, you can keep it.
John: Heehee!
John presumes to stick the wrench up his anal cavity and smiles.
John: I'm going to go make my lemonade surprise.
Cypher: Save that one for the Invitational... please? I don't want your Lemonade Surprise. I think the others do though.
John: Heehee! O-tay! Time to go listen to Prussian Blue!
John walks back inside the house. Apophis shakes his head.
Apophis: Does he do this JUST to piss us off?
Cypher: Maybe just the TKOW cameraman. Look, he's about one anal joke away from throwing up on my sidewalk. Hey, cameraman, better not throw up on this SUV. You barf on it, you pay for it, got it?
Apophis: Well, he can throw up on the gas can. Lord knows it might run more efficiently on barf than on gas.
Shion giggles.
Cypher: Who was the others I wanted to talk to... Tanner and Styles are overdone like Commie John's anal exams... uh...
I guess that leaves Spanky McPipebomb.
Shion: That's a funny name!
Cypher: Funny name indeed. Spanky McPipeBomb, the Irish bastard. The 40th one I've come across in as many minutes. I didn't know they stacked crap that high in Ireland honestly. He was in some fed that no one wanted manage but him and his mom, and now he wants to join a fed that nobody wants to manage but Power and his mom. Doesn't sound like he's making much progress, or climbing any ladder to me. Just sounds like he's into the same old, same old, only he's humping someone else's ass instead of others humpin' his.
Apophis: Don't mention hump...
John: Did someone say hump?
Cypher notices John immediately behind him, appearing suddenly. Cypher jumps out in surprise.
Cypher: Ah! Holy shit! Where'd you come from?
John: Heehee!
Cypher shakes it off as he closes the hood.
Cypher: Anyway, the thing's done. Turns out I just had to clean some sticky stuff off the car.
Apophis: And that, my friends, was how half this Invitational was conceived.
Shion: Ewwwwww!
Cypher: And how. I'm thirsty. Let's go get some sodas. Then maybe we can invite the TKOW guys over afterwards to try out some of John's Lemonade Surprise.
Apophis: Sounds good. Let's go.
The four walk out their usual way out of the driveway and into the house as the camera fades to black.
John: I bought a new SUV!
Cypher: We can see that, dum-dum.
John: Yup, very fuel efficient. 12 gpm!
Apophis: You mean... mpg... right?
John: No! GPM! Gallons per mile! Heehee!
Shion: Oh, man... I can smell it. That's not fuel efficient at all!
Cypher: Yeah, I thought you were a Communist.
John: I am?
John then looks under his pants.
John: I dunno. I just put that on there for fun. Heehee! Because me so horny! I want to rape the earth!
John scratches his rear end and goes back inside the house. Cypher takes a look around the SUV and looks under the hood.
Cypher: Jesus Christ... this SUV is a mess. Can't go two miles before you have to get to a gas station.
Apophis: Well, there goes his paycheck.
Cypher: Paycheck? Power pays the guy in peanuts. Another reason why I wish I was in the same ring with him.
Apophis: Well, you got five others now you have to deal with before you go to him.
Shion: Yeah!
Cypher: Well, there won't be enough trees in the planet by the time I'm done with him. TKOW better be ready to chop down the Amazon till there's nothing left, because I'm not stopping until the invitational is mine.
Cypher goes into the garage and takes out a toolbox and a CD player. He puts on a CD player and sets it to some soothing soft rock while he starts fixing the SUV.
Cypher: In the meantime, I'll try to fix Jack Sullivan here.
Shion: Now you're naming your SUV?
Cypher: No, I just call it that because it's like Jack Sullivan. All bark but spewing gas on the driveway on ignition. I can't believe that guy actually said that he's going to start his journey against a bunch of guys in something like this. Experienced people only should've been on the entryway into this tournament. Fuckin' losers.
Apophis: Well, can't blame him. I mean he's no Big Green.
Cypher: Stupid Schnitzel... Big Green can kiss my ass. No wait... forget that. We're too close to Massachusetts for Holiday Hell for it not to look strange in any shape or manner.
Now Apophis, Shion, what did you do with my wrench?
John comes back out of the house handing Cypher a wrench, drenched in fecal matter.
Cypher: Oh... shit...
Apophis: Literally.
Cypher: Yeah... nevermind John, you can keep it.
John: Heehee!
John presumes to stick the wrench up his anal cavity and smiles.
John: I'm going to go make my lemonade surprise.
Cypher: Save that one for the Invitational... please? I don't want your Lemonade Surprise. I think the others do though.
John: Heehee! O-tay! Time to go listen to Prussian Blue!
John walks back inside the house. Apophis shakes his head.
Apophis: Does he do this JUST to piss us off?
Cypher: Maybe just the TKOW cameraman. Look, he's about one anal joke away from throwing up on my sidewalk. Hey, cameraman, better not throw up on this SUV. You barf on it, you pay for it, got it?
Apophis: Well, he can throw up on the gas can. Lord knows it might run more efficiently on barf than on gas.
Shion giggles.
Cypher: Who was the others I wanted to talk to... Tanner and Styles are overdone like Commie John's anal exams... uh...
I guess that leaves Spanky McPipebomb.
Shion: That's a funny name!
Cypher: Funny name indeed. Spanky McPipeBomb, the Irish bastard. The 40th one I've come across in as many minutes. I didn't know they stacked crap that high in Ireland honestly. He was in some fed that no one wanted manage but him and his mom, and now he wants to join a fed that nobody wants to manage but Power and his mom. Doesn't sound like he's making much progress, or climbing any ladder to me. Just sounds like he's into the same old, same old, only he's humping someone else's ass instead of others humpin' his.
Apophis: Don't mention hump...
John: Did someone say hump?
Cypher notices John immediately behind him, appearing suddenly. Cypher jumps out in surprise.
Cypher: Ah! Holy shit! Where'd you come from?
John: Heehee!
Cypher shakes it off as he closes the hood.
Cypher: Anyway, the thing's done. Turns out I just had to clean some sticky stuff off the car.
Apophis: And that, my friends, was how half this Invitational was conceived.
Shion: Ewwwwww!
Cypher: And how. I'm thirsty. Let's go get some sodas. Then maybe we can invite the TKOW guys over afterwards to try out some of John's Lemonade Surprise.
Apophis: Sounds good. Let's go.
The four walk out their usual way out of the driveway and into the house as the camera fades to black.
#7
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- City Dwellers
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- 423 posts
- Local time: 11:56 PM
The Arizona Assassin
Posted 08 March 2007 - 04:35 PM
Voice Over: “Oh Daaaaaaannnny Boooy, Oh Daaaaaaaaannnyy Booooy!”
V/O: “Please go kiiiiiiiilll yourseeeelf!”
[The Rialto Theatre – Downtown Tucson, Arizona.]
[Fade in to Adrian Tanner, standing in the middle of a stage inside of the large theatre house. Adrian’s pimped out in black pants and a dark blue polo t-shirt with the ATJ ‘superman’ logo stitched into the side pocket.]
Adrian: “What? Even I enjoy some ‘culture-time’ every once in awhile.”
[The camera pans behind Adrian to a poster for the band Aerosmith, which reads ‘Live Tonight!’ Adrian looks over his shoulder…]
Adrian: “Hey, the classics are the classics, man.”
[There’s the smirk.]
Adrian: “Cyphe’ ol’ buddy. Danny boy…Can I call ya Danny boy?”
“Eh, who are we kidding, I’m gonna call you it whether you care or not. Y’know, funny thing Danny boy…I actually thought you might’ve had some slight semblance of that little thing people call ‘talent.’”
“Well, that and a brain.”
Adrian: “Thank you for proving me wrong though. Lemme let you in on a little secret Danny boy. You don’t need to worry about Jack “Deuce Wilds clone” Sullivan. He’s random-new-guy-who-thinks-he’s-hot-shit-for-the-first oh…30 seconds-of-his-career, but-actually-isn’t-anything-special-#439-b. Basically, he’s this month’s Jake Porter. Kinda like you and your buddies, only slightly more retarded. And I say that, knowing full well that Communist John may be the dumbest person on the planet. But I digress.”
[Adrian hops down and takes a seat on the edge of the stage.]
Adrian: “Cyphe’, Danny, buddy, pal…callin’ me ‘overdone?’ That’s funny man. Real funny…”
“Course, it was funnier the first three thousand times I heard it too. But eh, to each his own I guess, right? You may as well throw in the ever-popular ‘but you’re a cruiserweight so you are the suckage haw haw haw’ crack too while your at it. Nah, see, ‘overdone’ is Power and his “Respect Mah Authoritah!!!!” shtick. Or Spanky McPipey’s ‘drunken Irish guy’ bit. Now that…that’s overdone.”
[Scrappy, the Connection’s drunken irish midget leprechaun rushes by Adrian.]
Scrappy, the Connection’s drunken irish midget leprechaun: “Auh taught mah gold was ‘round ‘ere somewhere!”
Syberus: “Oh Frig.”
[Adrian turns and looks behind him as his Connection Tag Team partner runs out onto the stage.]
Syberus: “ ‘lo Aids.”
Adrian: “Syb.”
[Syberus rushes out of shot at the sounds of old women screaming in horror at the leprechaun. Adrian simply shrugs his shoulders and turns back around.]
Adrian: “You don’t need to worry about those other guys, Danny. You only need to worry about me.”
“Who am I, you ask? I’m the Arizona Assassin. I’m the guy your dad wishes she could’ve fathered. Watch that part again. No, that wasn’t a mess up.”
[More smirking.]
Adrian: “’Overdone’ is when you do something too much. And sure, you might have a case if you were to talk about my taking lessons from Syberus on obliterationating people in my promos like everyone else loves to run down my throat, but then you’d be missing the point. Just like_everyone_else does. You’d be missing the point that, yeah, I may talk a lot of shit…”
[And he does.]
Adrian: “And I do. But the truth is Danny, I may talk a lot…but unlike some other Adrian Tanner’s I can speak with an English Acce…”
[Adrian stops, and ponders this.]
Adrian: “Wait, I already used that joke.”
“O-tay, let’s try that again…”
Adrian: “As I was…saying…Sure, I talk…A lot. But, unlike some other Adrian Tanners, I can and most assuredly WILL back my own words up when it’s go-time, Danny boy.”
“Wanna know the big difference between me and you, Danny boy? I win matches. 99.9999999999999 percent of the time, when I say something’s going to happen, it happens. And the other .1 percent is usually against guys with more talent in their thumbnail then you or your cronies will ever be able to aspire to.”
Adrian: “I mean, c’mon there Danny boy. Your little commie buddy’s lame attempts at bad poop jokes are the only reason people even bother to notice you, let alone_care_about you.”
“And you can spout on about your UWHF title or whatever like I know you’ll do, but nobody cares. You’re still awful.”
Adrian: “Here’s how this shindig’s gonna work peeps. It doesn’t matter who ends up where or how. I’m gonna enter Ring 1, a Superkick here, a Revolver or 3 there, some crashy-smashy-table-go-boom action, and then I’m gonna go on and meet Nick in the finals. And we’ll have ourselves a nice, fun little knock-down drag-out ass-kicking contest between two of SWAT’s finest. One of us’ll probably die for your sins, but in the end, a good time will be had by all!”
“I just hope Nick doesn’t get his hopes up too high…His chances may be Absolute Zero, but my Revolver never misses!”
[A light enters the dimly lit theatre as Brandon Young, Kaycee Tanner, and Jeremiah Young enter through a doorway. Adrian hops of the stage to go meet them.]
Adrian: “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a backstage pass meeting with one of my favorite bands to get to.”
[See you, Space Cowboy.]
V/O: “Please go kiiiiiiiilll yourseeeelf!”
[The Rialto Theatre – Downtown Tucson, Arizona.]
[Fade in to Adrian Tanner, standing in the middle of a stage inside of the large theatre house. Adrian’s pimped out in black pants and a dark blue polo t-shirt with the ATJ ‘superman’ logo stitched into the side pocket.]
Adrian: “What? Even I enjoy some ‘culture-time’ every once in awhile.”
[The camera pans behind Adrian to a poster for the band Aerosmith, which reads ‘Live Tonight!’ Adrian looks over his shoulder…]
Adrian: “Hey, the classics are the classics, man.”
[There’s the smirk.]
Adrian: “Cyphe’ ol’ buddy. Danny boy…Can I call ya Danny boy?”
“Eh, who are we kidding, I’m gonna call you it whether you care or not. Y’know, funny thing Danny boy…I actually thought you might’ve had some slight semblance of that little thing people call ‘talent.’”
“Well, that and a brain.”
Adrian: “Thank you for proving me wrong though. Lemme let you in on a little secret Danny boy. You don’t need to worry about Jack “Deuce Wilds clone” Sullivan. He’s random-new-guy-who-thinks-he’s-hot-shit-for-the-first oh…30 seconds-of-his-career, but-actually-isn’t-anything-special-#439-b. Basically, he’s this month’s Jake Porter. Kinda like you and your buddies, only slightly more retarded. And I say that, knowing full well that Communist John may be the dumbest person on the planet. But I digress.”
[Adrian hops down and takes a seat on the edge of the stage.]
Adrian: “Cyphe’, Danny, buddy, pal…callin’ me ‘overdone?’ That’s funny man. Real funny…”
“Course, it was funnier the first three thousand times I heard it too. But eh, to each his own I guess, right? You may as well throw in the ever-popular ‘but you’re a cruiserweight so you are the suckage haw haw haw’ crack too while your at it. Nah, see, ‘overdone’ is Power and his “Respect Mah Authoritah!!!!” shtick. Or Spanky McPipey’s ‘drunken Irish guy’ bit. Now that…that’s overdone.”
[Scrappy, the Connection’s drunken irish midget leprechaun rushes by Adrian.]
Scrappy, the Connection’s drunken irish midget leprechaun: “Auh taught mah gold was ‘round ‘ere somewhere!”
Syberus: “Oh Frig.”
[Adrian turns and looks behind him as his Connection Tag Team partner runs out onto the stage.]
Syberus: “ ‘lo Aids.”
Adrian: “Syb.”
[Syberus rushes out of shot at the sounds of old women screaming in horror at the leprechaun. Adrian simply shrugs his shoulders and turns back around.]
Adrian: “You don’t need to worry about those other guys, Danny. You only need to worry about me.”
“Who am I, you ask? I’m the Arizona Assassin. I’m the guy your dad wishes she could’ve fathered. Watch that part again. No, that wasn’t a mess up.”
[More smirking.]
Adrian: “’Overdone’ is when you do something too much. And sure, you might have a case if you were to talk about my taking lessons from Syberus on obliterationating people in my promos like everyone else loves to run down my throat, but then you’d be missing the point. Just like_everyone_else does. You’d be missing the point that, yeah, I may talk a lot of shit…”
[And he does.]
Adrian: “And I do. But the truth is Danny, I may talk a lot…but unlike some other Adrian Tanner’s I can speak with an English Acce…”
[Adrian stops, and ponders this.]
Adrian: “Wait, I already used that joke.”
“O-tay, let’s try that again…”
Adrian: “As I was…saying…Sure, I talk…A lot. But, unlike some other Adrian Tanners, I can and most assuredly WILL back my own words up when it’s go-time, Danny boy.”
“Wanna know the big difference between me and you, Danny boy? I win matches. 99.9999999999999 percent of the time, when I say something’s going to happen, it happens. And the other .1 percent is usually against guys with more talent in their thumbnail then you or your cronies will ever be able to aspire to.”
Adrian: “I mean, c’mon there Danny boy. Your little commie buddy’s lame attempts at bad poop jokes are the only reason people even bother to notice you, let alone_care_about you.”
“And you can spout on about your UWHF title or whatever like I know you’ll do, but nobody cares. You’re still awful.”
Adrian: “Here’s how this shindig’s gonna work peeps. It doesn’t matter who ends up where or how. I’m gonna enter Ring 1, a Superkick here, a Revolver or 3 there, some crashy-smashy-table-go-boom action, and then I’m gonna go on and meet Nick in the finals. And we’ll have ourselves a nice, fun little knock-down drag-out ass-kicking contest between two of SWAT’s finest. One of us’ll probably die for your sins, but in the end, a good time will be had by all!”
“I just hope Nick doesn’t get his hopes up too high…His chances may be Absolute Zero, but my Revolver never misses!”
[A light enters the dimly lit theatre as Brandon Young, Kaycee Tanner, and Jeremiah Young enter through a doorway. Adrian hops of the stage to go meet them.]
Adrian: “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a backstage pass meeting with one of my favorite bands to get to.”
[See you, Space Cowboy.]
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